Stupid Things Overheard

Manager, walking past slouching intern: Bad posture ages you.

Intern: It’s just I’m not used to this desk thing. Usually I do all my work in bed.

Manager: Don’t put that on your resume.

Stupid Customers

(I am a shift manager at a restaurant. I have many facial piercings, but always take them out for work.)

Me: “Hello this is the manager speaking, what seems to be the problem today?”

Caller: “I am calling to complain about one of your staff. They have horrendous facial piercings. It’s disgusting!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I must let you know that all of our staff are required to take out any piercings before starting their shift. What did this employee look like?”

Caller: “She looked like the devil! She had piercings in her lip nose and eyebrow!”

(I am the only one with these piercings, so she must be referring to me.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, are you sure you saw this employee at the restaurant?”

Caller: “No, she was at the supermarket!”

Me: “You’re calling about one of our employees while they were off duty?”

Caller: “Yes! She never has them on at your restaurant, so they must have fallen into my food!”

Me: *speechless*

Caller: “YOU’RE GETTING SUED!”

Stupid Bosses

I work in finance for a company in Manhattan. I have a boss who is really jealous of everyone around him and always tries to prove that he knows it all and he is the smartest person on the face of planet earth and I can tell you that he is far away from that. Beside his negative views regarding the economy, the world and the people, he is actually doesn’t like anyone to live life or even exercise or even go home to have dinner with family…he just believe that if you work you have to over do it and if you eat you have to over do it as well.

Yesterday he called me to his office and started questioning my ability of understanding the business claiming that couple of the reports that I created few weeks ago aren’t quite right and made him think again if “I get it”. The normal response was “what did I do wrong in these reports?” He kept going left and right without clarifying what I did wrong and I kept asking him, I would like to know what I did because every thing I did was based on the data provided by him from his own work. At the end after long period of humiliating and criticizing me, my work and everything about me, he said “I thought the numbers I provided you were right but they weren’t”. At this moment, I got confused and told him so what you wanted me to do if your numbers were wrong and you asked me to get these reports done in less that 1 hour, he still insisted that I should have looked at the numbers and said that they don’t make sense to me. So I told him, why they didn’t make sense to you at the first place and you’re the one who came up with them, he kept insisting that it was my mistake. Then I had to leave his office with great amount of anger and frustration.

Stupid CoWorkers

WHY DO PEOPLE EVER FAIL TO FLUSH THE TOILET AT WORK!?!?!?!

I go into the bathroom yesterday and the middle of our three stalls is COMPLETELY FULL OF POO. I am NOT exaggerating. POO. And some toilet paper. Now, a few questions come to mind immediately. Why did the owner of the poo not do a mid-poo flush? Why did he not do a POST-poo flush?? Why did he wait so long to poo that he had that much poo in him? Why was he in the middle stall? Did he suddenly get an urgent message on his blackberry and have to leave so quickly that he didn’t have time to do the post-poo? Or is he just a sadist?

Furthermore, why do this AT WORK?? Everybody knows everybody at work. There is so much risk of geting caught, as to make it completely ludicrous to even think about attempting such a heist. If I ever catch someone doing that, they are going to hear about it. I will not be polite.

Anyways, long story short, the stench in the bathroom was so vile that I had no choice but to find another bathroom at the other end of the building. You know how that is, when you are in an unfamiliar bathroom. No fun. Ruined my morning today.