Stupid Tech Support

I worked as a technician for a company that sold computers. One time a woman was having trouble turning on her computer. I stopped by her house and quickly discovered the problem. She had gotten into the habit of turning the computer on by first pressing the power switch on the computer, then the power switch on the monitor. But somehow, they had gotten out of sync, so when the computer was on, the monitor was off, or vice versa. So no matter how many times she flipped both switches, the computer just wouldn’t seem to work.

Stupid CoWorkers

Employee’s Lingo:

“I’m extremely adept at all manner of office organization”

I’ve used Microsoft Office.

“I’m honest, hardworking and dependable”

I pilfer office supplies.

“My pertinent work experience includes…”

I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs I’ve had.

“I take pride in my work”

I blame others for my mistakes.

“I’m personable”

I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to coworkers.

“I’m extremely professional”

I carry a Day-Timer.

“I am adaptable”

I’ve changed jobs a lot.

“I am on the go”

I’m never at my desk.

“I’m highly motivated to succeed”

The minute I find a better job, I’m outta there.

Stupid Students

Excerpt from a student essay…

The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

Stupid Bosses

I used to work in an off-license, not the most demanding of jobs i’ll grant you. we were poorly paid, and even full time staff were put on 39 hour contracts to save the company from paying us all that extra stuff like pensions, health and medical expenses.

Anyway, they always had these odd bonus schemes, most of them weren’t obtainable as they would set a target, put the item on promotion, and expect you to sell 6 times the usual amount to get close to the bonus system.

before that though they had a system where you got points based on the amount of stuff that you sold as an individual. and after a while you could select something in exchange from a catalogue. you would have thought that we would have known about it, you know from the monthly statements that we recieved at the shop.

we’ll in the end the changed the system and everyone was going to use there points until they were told that the boss had used them all and brought her sister a really nice stereo system with our points. that’s nice, what did we get???? yep nothing.”