Stupid CoWorkers

“We have someone in our office (I’ll call her Ellie) who’ll do just about anything to get out of work, regardless of how morally deficient it might be.

Professionally, Ellie’s been called into The Bosses’ office for just about every charge you can imagine: poor time-keeping, extra long lunches, leaving early without completing the hours required of her, poor performance, excessive sick leave, etc. She won’t come into work if she a) is hung-over, b) has overslept or c) just can’t be bothered, and phones in with various lame excuses. We work in a lenient and laid back office, so to be called in by our mild mannered director takes quite some doing. Ellie was outraged by her poor appraisal this year and claimed that every bad mark against her was ‘someone else’s fault’. Naturally!

Ellie sunk to an all-time low in work-avoidance in July. Her friend (let’s call her Franny) called Ellie in a state of distress because a male friend of Franny’s had been reported missing after the London tube bombings. It turned out that the poor man had actually been killed in one of the explosions. As soon as Ellie found this out, she turned on the “tears-&-quivering-lip” act and raced into our director’s office to explain that “a friend” of hers had perished in the attack and she needed the afternoon off. When asked by a colleague how well she knew the bomb victim, Ellie looked really panicky for a split-second and suddenly burst into floods of tears and ran out of the office (a great way to avoid answering those pesky tricky questions).

A few minutes after Ellie had done a runner, the same person asked another colleague how well Ellie knew the victim. Ellie happened to be returning from her sob session at that precise moment (literally RIGHT past the person who was asking the question) and totally ignored the question. Anybody else would’ve been very indignant about having their integrity questioned but, oddly, not Ellie. She chose to avoid answernig any questions about her relationship with her friend’s friend. A day or two later, another colleague made a callous joke about terrorists and Ellie blew up, chastising him for his insensitivity. About a week later (and in front of our entire office, for maximum effect) she sobbed inconsolably as a 2-minute silence was held for the bomb victims. However she was in the pub two hours later, cracking jokes about the bomb with a pint in her hand. As it turns out, she’d never met or spoken to the bomb victim in her entire life and used his death as an excuse to get out of work.

Life’s sweet when you’re a grifter…

When challenged by the bosses about how she blatantly spends all day surfing the internet and emailing her buddies, Ellie hotly denies it and has openly stated that if she’s ever accused by the company of poor performance in ANY respect, she won’t hesitate in claiming sexual discrimination because she happens to be gay. The truth is, she’s not once experienced problems from anyone here because of her sexuality.

Unbelievable.”

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Stupid CoWorkers

“I currently temp for a law firm while trying to find a “real” job (since I sworn in as an attorney a few weeks ago). Since there was no more room at the firm, they’ve rented a one bedroom apartment for our portion of the office. Kinda weird, but eh.

So when I started this job there were a total of 6 of us. 3 rapidly quit (the job is henious and pays nothing). One spent his days – not kidding – SLEEPING IN THE BATHTUB AT WORK. For about two hours. When there is only one bathroom and the other two temps are banging on the door begging him to get out so they can use it.

Surprisingly (NOT), he was fired a few weeks later for failing the bar exam. Ah, well. Then the supervisor had the gall to ask the two of us left why we hadn’t told him sooner that 1) the guy was an idiot 2) who slept in bathrooms at work and 3) tended to steal office supplies. So that was fun.

Then they hired 6 more people and gave the other temp and I a “promotion.” We got to do extra work – training and supervising the new people – with no extra pay!!! And the best thing was that while we had no say in who they were, we got to see both their resumes and their rates. Well, gee whiz. The new folks were making over twice what we made. We asked for a raise – I quit, but I need the money. In the end we both got raises. The problem? My co-worker got $5 less an hour after the raise than I did, and I’m still paid less then the people I supervise!

We keep talking about our desperate need to quit. Maybe someday soon…”

Stupid Family Members

My cousin and her boyfriend recently moved in together. The whole family

pitched in to help. My parents donated old furniture. My uncle lent them

his old car. Eventually their new home was all set up and the couple

decided to add a puppy to their family.

But they found the dog wouldn’t stay in the yard and that a fence was

needed. So again everyone pitched in. Friends came from far and wide for a

fence-building-party. And in no time they had a fence running around the

backyard up to the back of the house.

It wasn’t until my uncle dropped by to inspect the work that he noticed a

problem. Not only did the new fence fully enclose the puppy in the backyard

but it also surrounded… the car he’d lent them! They ended up having to

take down and rebuild a section of fence to get the car out again.

Stupid Criminals

BERLIN – A 21-year-old German woman who did not feel like going to work at a fast food restaurant sent her parents a text message saying she had been kidnapped.

Police in the Bavarian town of Straubing said Wednesday they had launched a massive search throughout the region for the woman who disappeared on December 23 but turned up unscathed the following morning, saying the kidnapper had set her free.

A spokesman said the woman was questioned over the Christmas holiday and admitted she made up the story because she owed a colleague 25 euros ($32.9) and did not have the money to pay her debt. She now faces a fine of up to 1,000 euros.