Stupid Customers

January 27, 2010

(A little boy is about to go off the high dive when I stop him. His grandmother, upset, approaches and questions me.)

Grandmother: “Why won’t you let my grandson swim?”

Me: “We don’t believe he is a strong enough swimmer to be safe in the deep end.”

Grandmother: “So can he just go off the high dive?”

Me: “No, if he went off the high dive, he would most likely drown.”

Grandmother: “Well, you are a lifeguard! Isn’t it your job to stop him from drowning? You are discriminating against my grandchildren! You lifeguards are just lazy!”

Stupid Customers
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Stupid CoWorkers

October 11, 2009

WHY DO PEOPLE EVER FAIL TO FLUSH THE TOILET AT WORK!?!?!?!

I go into the bathroom yesterday and the middle of our three stalls is COMPLETELY FULL OF POO. I am NOT exaggerating. POO. And some toilet paper. Now, a few questions come to mind immediately. Why did the owner of the poo not do a mid-poo flush? Why did he not do a POST-poo flush?? Why did he wait so long to poo that he had that much poo in him? Why was he in the middle stall? Did he suddenly get an urgent message on his blackberry and have to leave so quickly that he didn’t have time to do the post-poo? Or is he just a sadist?

Furthermore, why do this AT WORK?? Everybody knows everybody at work. There is so much risk of geting caught, as to make it completely ludicrous to even think about attempting such a heist. If I ever catch someone doing that, they are going to hear about it. I will not be polite.

Anyways, long story short, the stench in the bathroom was so vile that I had no choice but to find another bathroom at the other end of the building. You know how that is, when you are in an unfamiliar bathroom. No fun. Ruined my morning today.

Stupid CoWorkers
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Stupid Bosses

September 13, 2009

My boss is the most scatterbrained person I’ve ever known. He constantly changes plans halfway through tasks and wastes everyone’s time with useless meetings because he likes to hear himself talk. He doesn’t trust anything I say and usually asks me the same questions multiple times in a day. When he’s in a rush, he rushes everyone else and thinks outloud until it’s so painfully awkward I don’t know what to say. Most of our conversations end with me saying “Ok, all set?” because when he stops talking he sits in my office staring at me. I hate my boss.

Stupid Bosses
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Stupid Customers

June 13, 2009

(While working the overnight shift alone, a single customer walks into the store and walks to my register.)

Customer: “What would you do if I robbed you?”

Me: “…I’d call the cops.”

Customer: “What about if I had a knife to your throat?”

Me: “Do you really think those are good questions to be asking me?”

Customer: “Okay, let’s just say I have a gun in your face.”

Me: “Get out. Now.”

Customer: “Sheesh, I was just trying to have a friendly conversation with you…” *leaves*

Stupid Customers
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