Stupid CoWorkers

Got a call from a woman said that her laser printer was having problems, the bottom half of her printed sheets were coming out blurry. It seemed strange that the printer was smearing only the bottom half. I walked her through the basics, then went over and printed out a test sheet. It printed fine. I asked her to print a sheet, so she sent a job to the printer. As the paper started coming out, she yanked it out and showed it to me. I told her to wait until the paper came out on its own. Problem solved.

Stupid CoWorkers

Employee’s Lingo:

“I’m extremely adept at all manner of office organization”

I’ve used Microsoft Office.

“I’m honest, hardworking and dependable”

I pilfer office supplies.

“My pertinent work experience includes…”

I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs I’ve had.

“I take pride in my work”

I blame others for my mistakes.

“I’m personable”

I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to coworkers.

“I’m extremely professional”

I carry a Day-Timer.

“I am adaptable”

I’ve changed jobs a lot.

“I am on the go”

I’m never at my desk.

“I’m highly motivated to succeed”

The minute I find a better job, I’m outta there.

Stupid CoWorkers

So I have worked at this place that I like to refer to as the Devil’s Playground for almost 5 years. And I actually just got a new job I will be startinig a week from Monday. My reason for leaving is because for the last few years this woman in my office, who I like to refer to as “The Troll” makes my life a living hell. Ok she is very LAZY I mean honestly she makes more personal phone calls in a day than she does phone calls with customers. Than when she isn’t on the phone she e-mails everyone she knows, and will NOT answer the phone it is very annoying, than she will answer the phones when the bosses come in the room, so she makes it look like the rest of us are slackers when she does NOTHING all effing day!

She makes comments all the time that are very rude to me. Also on her personal calls she likes to play 20 questions so that she won’t say she is talking about me, but im not stupid like that stupid horrible troll is. She also said that I don’t understand when our bosses mom was going through cancer even though my father had just passed away a few months earlier from cancer, and she told me to my face” we don’t understand what they are going through” I really hate her and I can’t wait to start my new job, so I don’t have to see her lazy, orange colored wrinky face ever again.

Stupid Bosses

Employer Lingo:

“Competitive Salary”

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

“Join Our Fast-Paced Team”

We have no time to train you.

“Casual Work Atmosphere”

We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up.

“Must be Deadline Oriented”

You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

“Some Overtime Required”

Some time each night and some time each weekend.

“Duties Will Vary”

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

“Must Have an Eye For Detail”

We have no quality control.

“Career-Minded”

Female applicants must be childless and remain that way.

“Apply in Person”

If you’re old, fat, or ugly, you’ll be told the position has been filled.

“No Phone Calls Please”

We’ve filled the job. Our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

“Seeking Candidates With a Wide Variety of Experience”

You’ll need it to replace the three people who just left.

“Problem-Solving Skills a Must”

You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

“Requires Team Leadership Skills”

You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

“Good Communication Skills”

Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want, and do it.