Stupid Roommates

March 26, 2006

My freshman year in college, I had a roommate who was bright enough but had a tendency to speak One day, my former roommate decided to cook on the grill. Well this intelligent being turns on the gas and finds that the electric start isn’t working. He then goes into the house to get a match (keep in mind the the gas is still running). In the house he find a butane lighter, which is empty, so he attempts to fill the empty BUTANE lighter with zippo lighter fluid. The Gas is still running. Failing and spilling the fluid all over the lighter, he then for some reason clicks the little electric trigger (that made a nice flame.) Again, keep in mind the gas has been running for at least 5 minutes. So after the lighter incident I realized that the grill was still running. So I went outside, shut the gas off and waited about 5 minutes to let the gas clear out. After I feel it is safe to light the grill, I turn on the gas, throw in a match and presto…its ready to cook. My roommate then asks, “How’d you do that?” At this point I proceeded to tattoo the word “idiot” on his forehead.

Stupid Roommates
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Stupid CoWorkers

March 16, 2006

I work in the publicity department of a publishing house specializing in illustrated books, and we receive many requests for free review copies. Recently we received a letter from an inmate requesting a book for the prison library. Apparently, he had been sentenced to 10 years and enjoyed drawing. While debating the cost of humanitarianism against sending an expensive book to a prisoner, a co-worker from another department, who had been listening to the discussion, asked, “What’s he in for? “He’s a cat burglar,” I replied. Her face darkened, and she blurted, “Don’t send it to him he’s lying.” “How do you know?” I asked. “You don’t get 10 years for stealing cats,” she said.

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Stupid CoWorkers
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Stupid CoWorkers

February 11, 2006

One day as a lady got off from work, she went outside to the parking lot, but couldn’t find her car in her usual spot. She began to worry and search the parking lot and the began to panic when she still couldn’t find it. She then went outside to call the police to report the car stolen. Later, she got a ride home and as she was going into the garage, she noticed her car. She then wondered why the people who stole her car parked it in her garage. She then went inside the house to tell her husband the news. Her husband just kind of looked at her and reminded her that he drove her to work that morning.

Stupid CoWorkers
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Stupid Drivers

February 9, 2006

One day a highway crew was painting a solid yellow line and had signs and pylons warning not to pass. Of course they were moving slow and a line of traffic was massing when a guy in a new BMW starts weaving in and out passing cars and flies by the paint truck. Later he calls the highway department complaining he has yellow paint all over his car and wants the highway dept.to pay for the cleanup of the car. Highways says “yes sir, we will get right on it, may I have your name and address.” Later a policeman arrives at the guys house and issues a fine for every time he crossed the line passing just by counting the yellow streaks on the road left when passing.

Stupid CoWorkers
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