Customer: “I bought ten fish and they all DIED. The customer service desk said you would get me new ones. Here’s my receipt.”
Me: “It looks like you had ten feeder goldfish?”
Customer: “Yes, and they all DIED. I want new ones.”
Me: “That’s unusual. Goldfish are pretty hardy. Did they have any little white spots, or anything like that before they died?”
Customer: “No, I went to feed them and they were all dead in the bowl!”
Me: Wait…you had ten goldfish in a bowl? What size?”
Customer: “Like this!” *points to a small bowl on the shelf*
Me: “Ma’am, that bowl only holds a gallon of water. The general rule for fish is ‘a gallon of water per inch of fish’. So for these goldfish at the size they’re now, you would need a tank larger then ten gallons to accommodate them.”
Customer: “I want them in a bowl! Maybe I’ll get smaller fish. How much are these?” *pointing*
Me: “Those are fancy guppies; they’re two dollars.”
Customer: “EACH?”
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: “What about those?
Me: “Those are angelfish; they’re four dollars.”
Customer: “EACH?”
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: “Just give me the ten fish to replace my other ones! Those are only 39 cents each!”
Me: “Fine…but if you put them all in the same bowl, they’re all going to die again, and I don’t want to hear about it when they do!”
Customer: *pause* “Get me my fish!”
(She got her new fish. No idea what the death toll was.)