Stupid Customers

(It was an hour before closing, and all of us were very tired–the manager included.)

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “What does the chicken sandwich look like?” *points at a picture of it*

Me: “It looks just like the one in the picture, ma’am.”

Customer: “Are you sure? How long have you been working here?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, I’m sure. I’ve been working here over a year.”

Customer: “Well, um… I guess I’ll get that one.”

(I take her money and give her the chicken sandwich.)

Customer: “This is not what it looks like!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Get me your manager, d*** it!”

Manager: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “This chicken sandwich is not like in the picture!”

Manager: “Yes, you’re right. The one the picture is over a foot wide and fake.”

Customer: “I will not stand for this!”

Manager: “Either will I. Leave my employees alone!”

Customer: *starts screaming*

Manager: “You have a happy go lucky day now, ma’am!”

Stupid Customers

Me: “Can I help you with anything sir?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for some shrimp.”

Me: “Shrimp is in the seafood department, right over there.”

Customer: “See, I don’t want to boil them, I just want to barbecue them.”

Me: “Okay, well, they should be in the seafood department.”

Customer: “But I want to barbecue them. Could you get me a pound of shrimp?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t have shrimp in the deli.”

Customer: “Why don’t you have any?”

Me: “We only have deli meat and cheese in the deli. The seafood department has shrimp, just over there.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because shrimp are seafood… they live in the sea.”

Customer: “… really?”

Stupid Customers

(I’ve just finished setting up this individual’s service call to get a technician out to his house. I flub a few words, because it’s 2 in the morning.)

Me: “So the technician will be out sometime between 8 and 6 pm next Tuesday, then.”

Customer: “Is this call center located in The United States of America?”

Me: “Actually, we’re outsourced. I’m in Canada.”

Customer: “BECAUSE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, 6 COMES BEFORE 8 YOU STUPID F**K. BE HAPPY THAT I DON’T DISCONNECT MY SERVICE FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS, YOU G***D**N FOREIGNER!”

Me: “…thank you for calling, have a great day!”

Customer: *hangs up*

Stupid Customers

Tech Support: “Thank you for calling tech support, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, is this the help desk?”

Tech Support: “Yes sir, it is; how may I help you?”

Customer: (in a very strained and excited voice) “I can’t go to the bathroom!”

Understandably, I was shocked.

Tech Support: “Sir…I am not sure what your definition of a help desk is, but I don’t believe I am qualified to help you with that problem.”

Customer: “You have to. The nearest bathroom is broken, and the toilet is overflowing. I don’t know what to do. Send someone up to repair it.”

Tech Support: “Sir, we only open do troubleshooting on computers, not bathrooms and toilets.”

Customer: “But it’s the same thing!”

Tech Support: “Um, no it’s not.”

Customer: “It is too! It’s repairing things! Now I want someone up here right now.”

Tech Support: “It’s two entirely different things. Computers run on electricity and have hundreds of parts. Toilets run on water.”

Customer: “It’s an emergency! Can you send someone up to fix it?”

Tech Support: “Sir, might I suggest that you use another bathroom?”

Customer: “AGH! I CAN’T USE ANOTHER BATHROOM! I HAVE TO GO NOW! GET SOMEONE UP HERE NOW!”

I put him on hold. For about three minutes. I hate to be screamed at.

Tech Support: “Sir, I cannot. I have no way to do that. I fix computers. Not toilets.”

Customer: (rant, rant, rave, rave)

Tech Support: “I’m sorry, I really can’t help you.”

Customer: “Oh gosh…oh my pants!” (click)