One evening while walking through the school hallways, a friend was attempting to impress me with this knowledge of computers.
Him: “I can use HTML coding to do my homework for me. That way I don’t have to waste time on it.”
Stupid Students
Student: “Hey, how do I lodge in to Hotmail?”
Me: “You’ve got to type in your username and password in those fields that say ‘username’ and ‘password’.”
Student: “I don’t have one of those.”
Me: “You need one to log in to Hotmail.”
Student: “It’s ‘LODGE’ in.”
Me: “The term is ‘log in,’ and you can’t log in without a username and password. I can help you create one if you’d like.”
Student: “Um, excuse me, but I THINK I know what I’m talking about. It’s LODGE in, and I don’t want a username and password, I just want to get some email!”
I just went back to working after that, and he left complaining about how “crappy” the computers in the lab were, after trying to “lodge in” for ten more minutes.
Stupid Customers
Tech Support: “Thank you for calling tech support, how may I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, is this the help desk?”
Tech Support: “Yes sir, it is; how may I help you?”
Customer: (in a very strained and excited voice) “I can’t go to the bathroom!”
Understandably, I was shocked.
Tech Support: “Sir…I am not sure what your definition of a help desk is, but I don’t believe I am qualified to help you with that problem.”
Customer: “You have to. The nearest bathroom is broken, and the toilet is overflowing. I don’t know what to do. Send someone up to repair it.”
Tech Support: “Sir, we only open do troubleshooting on computers, not bathrooms and toilets.”
Customer: “But it’s the same thing!”
Tech Support: “Um, no it’s not.”
Customer: “It is too! It’s repairing things! Now I want someone up here right now.”
Tech Support: “It’s two entirely different things. Computers run on electricity and have hundreds of parts. Toilets run on water.”
Customer: “It’s an emergency! Can you send someone up to fix it?”
Tech Support: “Sir, might I suggest that you use another bathroom?”
Customer: “AGH! I CAN’T USE ANOTHER BATHROOM! I HAVE TO GO NOW! GET SOMEONE UP HERE NOW!”
I put him on hold. For about three minutes. I hate to be screamed at.
Tech Support: “Sir, I cannot. I have no way to do that. I fix computers. Not toilets.”
Customer: (rant, rant, rave, rave)
Tech Support: “I’m sorry, I really can’t help you.”
Customer: “Oh gosh…oh my pants!” (click)
Stupid Customers
Customer: “Hi, I recently bought a computer, and I seem to be having problems.”
Tech Support: “What type of problems?”
Customer: “Nothing seems to be working at all.”
Tech Support: “Hmmm, what kind of computer is it?”
Customer: “[brand].”
Tech Support: “Actually, we don’t sell that brand of computer here.”
Customer: “I know, I bought it from a friend of mine.”
Tech Support: “May I ask why you are calling us for support?”
Customer: “Aren’t you a computer store?”
Tech Support: “Yes.”
Customer: “Well, I was in there yesterday.”
Tech Support: “And you bought something from us?”
Customer: “No, but you sell computers so you should fix them.”
Tech Support: “Did we sell your computer to you?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Did we sell anything to you?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Why should we be supporting something we didn’t sell you?”
Customer: “Well, who should I be calling?”
Tech Support: “Probably your friend, or the manufacturer of the computer.”
Customer: “You are not very much help, you know.”
Tech Support: “I am sorry but there is not much I can do for you, unless you would like to bring the computer in and pay a fee for fixing it.”
Customer: “Why should I have to pay for you to work on my computer?”
Tech Support: “Sir, I am hanging up now.”