Stupid Customers

May 5, 2006

I used to do tech support for a company that made computer accessories and video game accessories. We had a pay-for-access web site for one of our products. The site was full of special codes and cheats. One day, a customer called, asking how to access the site.

Tech Support: “Well, just go to [URL].”

Customer: “How do I do that?”

Tech Support: “Type it in in your web browser.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Tech Support: “Ok…sir…do you have Internet access?”

Customer: “Huh? No. No Internet. I don’t even have a computer.”

Tech Support: “Ok, sir, you need a computer and an Internet account to access web sites.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, it didn’t say that when I mailed in the membership card. I want my money back.”

Stupid Customers

Stupid Tech Support

April 19, 2006

While I was at college (back in the days of Archimedes computers), I often helped to teach new users the ropes while the teacher concentrated elsewhere. This one sweet girl was very new, and I didn’t mind that she had no concept of the mouse, the screen, and whatnot — she soon got good enough that I could leave her to do some task and help someone else. Pretty soon, however, she was tugging on my chair, and when I went to see what was going on, she said, “My bracelet is stuck in there.”

Eh?

It was wedged into the floppy disk slot. Why? Apparently, the bracelet was annoying her when she typed, so she took it off. She found a small slot on the computer with a happy little door on it and just went ahead and shoved it in. Tech support had to rescue it by taking the thing apart.

Stupid Tech Support
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Stupid Customers

April 18, 2006

One day a customer called complaining that he just received his computer, but it won’t turn on. When he first pushed the power button, the screen flashed and then everything died.

I couldn’t do much over the phone, so I went to the customer’s office. It was plugged in, everything was hooked up ok, but, sure enough, it refused to turn on. I decided to take it back and promised to deliver a new one as soon as possible. But when I went to pick it up, I couldn’t.

Fearful of thieves, the man had fired some 24 inch bolts straight through the box, through the hard drive, motherboard, everything, locking it to his desk.

“Oh,” he said, “I thought it was just the TV part that was important. Will my warranty cover this?”

Stupid Customers
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Stupid Roommates

April 10, 2006

I was busy writing some computer program for one of my classes and my roommate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I said, “sure.” The next thing I hear is, “Hey, where do you put the coffee?” I turn to see that he has filled the filter basket with water and is (unsuccessfully) trying to keep the water in the basket by plugging the hole at the bottom with his finger. He and the floor are both covered with water.

Stupid Roommates