Stupid Salespeople

July 22, 2006

Here’s a story where some degree of fault lies on both sides. I was at my local Walmart, walking through the electronics section like I often do. A young couple was looking at a computer, assisted by a salesperson. I overheard the following conversation:

Salesman: “You should really get the full package, with the new monitor and the other accessories.”

Husband: “But we already have a monitor and keyboard from our old computer.”

Salesman: “You should still get the package, because it comes with a faster keyboard.”

The couple conversed for a moment.

Husband: “Can we put it on layaway and make payments on it?”

Stupid Salespeople

Stupid Customers – When working as a computer consultant…

July 12, 2006

When working as a computer consultant in college, a co-worker and I were playing around with the NETSEND command in Windows NT. At one point he accidentally sent a message to all the NTs in the lab that said, “Can you see me?” Shortly thereafter, a girl came to our station looking perturbed.

Girl: “Um, my computer is talking to me. It’s asking if I can see it.”

Co-Worker: “Can you see it?”

Girl: “Yes.”

Co-Worker: “Click OK.”

We laughed for a good fifteen minutes after that.

Stupid CoWorkers
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Stupid Customers

July 10, 2006

I worked on my manager’s computer a while back. While waiting for an operation to complete, I was idly spinning the cursor around the screen, as many do. My manager asked why techs often seem to do that.

“Oh,” I said, “sometimes you have to spin the mouse around in a clockwise direction to wind it up. You don’t have to do it very often, but we usually do it while we’re working on other things to save time.”

The manager swallowed the story, and my co-workers and I had a good chuckle about it later.

A few days later, another of our guys was working on the same machine. The manager caught him moving the cursor around while he was waiting on the computer to finish something.

“Why are you spinning the cursor counterclockwise?” the manager asked.

Without missing a beat, he replied, “Every so often, they get wound up too tight, and you have to unwind them.”

Stupid CoWorkers
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Stupid Tech Support – I was interning at a local ISP…

July 8, 2006

I was interning at a local ISP and every once in a while got to take a tech support call. I probably only took about five at the most. Here’s the best one.

Tech Support: “Tech support.”

Customer: “Yeah, every time I get on the Internet and leave my computer, I get disconnected.”

Tech Support: “How long are you away from your computer?”

Customer: “About 10-20 minutes.”

Tech Support: “Sir, if you’re idle for more than 15 minutes, we disconnect you.”

Customer: “Well don’t disconnect me!”

Tech Support: “It’s not us, sir — it’s the servers, they do it automatically.”

Customer: “Change it, then.”

Tech Support: “I can’t.”

Customer: “Yes you can!”

Tech Support: “Sir, I’m not allowed to.”

Customer: “I pay for this service, and dammit, you’re going to change it!”

Tech Support: “Sir, I’m not allowed to change it. Bottom line.”

Customer: “And why not!?”

Tech Support: “Because I’m not the administrator.”

Customer: “Well tell him to change it!”

Tech Support: “I can’t do that either. The administrator hates me.”

Customer: “Why?”

Tech Support: “Because I won our last Nerf tournament.”

Customer: “Nerf tournament?! I pay you guys to play with toys?”

Tech Support: “We do it in our spare time.”

Customer: “I want to talk to your supervisor!”

Tech Support: “Sorry, but my supervisor is the administrator, and he’s busy.”

Customer: “Well, I’m going to rat you out about your little Nerf gun secret!”

Tech Support: “Tell the owner — it’ll give him more of a reason to come down here to play with us.”

He hung up.

Stupid Tech Support
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