Stupid Customers

October 8, 2006

Tech Support: “All right, flip the power switch on the back of the modem. Are they lit up now?”

Customer: “No, still not on.”

Tech Support: “Is the modem plugged in?”

Customer: “Uhh…”

Tech Support: “On the back of the modem, there are three cables. One goes to the terminal, one is the phone line, and the third is the power cord. Where does that third cable go?”

Customer: “That cable goes to the keyboard.”

Tech Support: “No, I don’t think it does. Try following the cable again.”

Customer: “It really does go to the keyboard. In fact, the keyboard that y’all sent didn’t fit into any of the holes in the modem, so I had to use the one from my own computer…but that fits in nicely.”

“““““

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Stupid Customers
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Stupid Salespeople

September 6, 2006

I was in our University Bookstore the other day looking at software when I overheard a salesman talking to a lady about an iMac.

Salesman: “It has a built in color monitor and comes with a mouse and keyboard–”

Customer: “Does this thing come with a battery backup system?”

Salesman: “No, but we have one over there for $99.00. Do you have problems with power outages?”

Customer: “No, but I don’t want to lose all of my Microsoft documents everytime I turn off the computer!”

Salesman: “You don’t need a battery backup for that. That’s why it has a 4 gigabyte hard drive.”

Customer: “A hard what?”

Salesman: “A hard drive. It’s like a whole bunch of floppy disks inside your computer that you can store documents on.”

Customer: “I want the battery backup.”

Salesman: “You don’t need it.”

Customer: “Why?”

Stupid Salespeople
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Stupid Customers

August 26, 2006

I work for technical helpline. When our lines are busy, customers can leave messages in our voicemail. The system asks for the customer to leave contact info, machine details, and description of the problem. Here’s one message I got:

“There’s something wrong with my computer. I really can’t tell you what the problem is or what the machine does, but there definitely is something wrong with it. Could you please call me back soon?”

I hope the customer got the psychic message I sent him about how to fix the problem. I sure didn’t get his psychic message about the problem and his phone number.

Stupid Customers
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Stupid Customers

August 24, 2006

An elderly woman called, furious.

Tech Support: “How can I help you ma’am?”

Customer: “You had better help me!”

Tech Support: “That’s why they pay me!”

Customer: “Don’t get smart with me!”

Tech Support: “Of course, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Well, I’ve been waiting for quite some time!”

Tech Support: “Yes ma’am, our current wait is about twenty minutes. It usually isn’t that bad.”

Customer: (yelling) “Twenty minutes! I’ve been waiting three days!”

Tech Support: “You’ve defied sleep and other bodily functions for a full 72 hours?”

Isn’t it wonderful when they get vague? Turns out she clicked on the “Help” button in Word or something three days prior and was waiting for us to call her…despite the fact that her computer had no modem and was not near a telephone line.

Stupid Customers
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