Stupid Customers

October 24, 2006

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard’s DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn’t solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, “Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?”

Stupid Customers
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Stupid CoWorkers

October 22, 2006

Got a call from a woman said that her laser printer was having problems, the bottom half of her printed sheets were coming out blurry. It seemed strange that the printer was smearing only the bottom half. I walked her through the basics, then went over and printed out a test sheet. It printed fine. I asked her to print a sheet, so she sent a job to the printer. As the paper started coming out, she yanked it out and showed it to me. I told her to wait until the paper came out on its own. Problem solved.

Stupid CoWorkers
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Stupid Bosses

October 12, 2006

Employer Lingo:

“Competitive Salary”

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

“Join Our Fast-Paced Team”

We have no time to train you.

“Casual Work Atmosphere”

We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up.

“Must be Deadline Oriented”

You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

“Some Overtime Required”

Some time each night and some time each weekend.

“Duties Will Vary”

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

“Must Have an Eye For Detail”

We have no quality control.

“Career-Minded”

Female applicants must be childless and remain that way.

“Apply in Person”

If you’re old, fat, or ugly, you’ll be told the position has been filled.

“No Phone Calls Please”

We’ve filled the job. Our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

“Seeking Candidates With a Wide Variety of Experience”

You’ll need it to replace the three people who just left.

“Problem-Solving Skills a Must”

You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

“Requires Team Leadership Skills”

You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

“Good Communication Skills”

Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want, and do it.

Stupid Bosses
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Stupid CoWorkers

September 20, 2006

For two years now I have been working in the offices of a cleaning company.

The two directors are married and met about twelve years ago. He used to be a director of another company and she used to be the cleaner!

Cut a long story short, they got together and started up their own company.

He wants to build an empire whilst she is quite happy to keep things small and do the odd cleaning job.

So, the two directors seem to be pulling in two different directions, which makes their marital life quite eventful!

He loves women – although women don’t love him. She is extremely possessive and jealous.

I get caught in the middle of their slanging matches and they often run each other down to me. The professionalism, or lack of it, is beyond believe. I want to scream DIVORCE at them both! Up to now I have managed to keep my opinions to myself and just nod in a sympathetic way whenever they wish to vent their frustrations.

I am an attractive girl so I have to put up with suspicious eye balling from the woman and even received a phone call at home around 10pm one night – her husband had gone out on his motorbike and she thought he was with me!!!!! The thought makes my stomach churn!

Moral of the story: DO NOT WORK FOR A MARRIED COUPLE!

Stupid CoWorkers
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