Stupid Customers

I was working at a help desk, and, thankfully, my co-worker took this particular call. A man nervously called saying that he couldn’t print his proposal due out that day, because WordPerfect was reporting an error that his fonts were missing. My co-worker told the gentleman that we’d send somebody right up. Apparently there was quite a back log, though, and no one could get there fast enough for him. He had continually called throughout the day asking for his call to be expedited. Finally, at the end of the day, his secretary called and asked, urgently, “Could you PLEASE send somebody up as quickly as possible? He opened the computer with a screwdriver and is looking for his missing fonts.”

Stupid Customers

I work in a call center for a large cell phone company that sells PDAs with phone functionality. I got a call from a customer who said her stylus had broken. I offered to transfer her to customer care, where they could order her out a pack of styluses. She said no, the phone had gotten “messed up.” I asked what was wrong with it, and she said that when the stylus had broken, she’d tried to superglue it back together, then put it back in the slot before the glue had dried, and it got stuck in the phone. So she tried to take it out with a hammer and chisel.

Stupid CoWorkers

Let me start by saying that nowhere in my job description does it say anything about moving furniture for people in my office yet ever since I’ve started I’ve gotten the pleasure of having to do this many times. It’s especially rewarding since the people I work with are not parapalegic or handicapped in any way and are just as capable as me of moving their own sh*t. I get a call yesterday from an employee who wants to move her computer to her new desk. Since this is kind of odd I ask her why she wants to move it, “Because mines newer.” That’s right “mines” newer. But I digress. Due to an incident where I was reprimanded and told by my boss that it’s not my job to move furniture I’ve been a little hesitant to move anything so I told this person nicely that’s its not my job but I’d help since it’s not worth paying our physical plant staff the OT to move it. I get a call the next day from one of her new bosses asking how come I haven’t moved it yet. How ’bout because I never said I would. I calmly explained my position and when asked what we could do to move it responded with, “what’s wrong with your arms?” Now today I get a voicemail from my boss telling me that this other woman’s boss called him to complain that I didn’t want to move it and he understands that I’m not the department’s day laborer but would I mind doing him a favor and moving it. Well you know what, I would, especially since no one is going to help including the people that want the PC there soooo bad. I’m so glad I wear a shirt and tie to work everyday just so I can get filthy carrying your f’ng PC. F*ckers.

Stupid Roommates

Back in my college days, I was a resident assistant in one of the dorms on campus. One of my residents (not the brightest crayon in the box) came to me asking for help as she had been attempting to connect to the Internet with no success. I sat down at her desk, and, noticing that there were only a printer cord and power cord coming out of her computer, I asked if she had an ethernet card and if she had activated her data line.

“Ethernet card? Data line?” she asked. “What’s that?” I took a deep breath and calmly attempted to explain to her how to hook her computer up to a network. I finally told her to take her roommate with her to the on-campus PC store and tell them that she wanted an ethernet card for her computer.

Two hours later, she knocked on my door again and told me that she had gotten the ethernet card, had it installed, and gotten her data line activated, but was still having problems getting online. I went back to her room, and, sure enough, she had the card but still hadn’t plugged it into the data jack.

Me: “So, were you going to plug this in?”

Her: “Well, I got the card. Isn’t that all I need?”

Me: “No, you’ll need some cable to plug it into the data jack.”

Her: “I don’t need to plug it in!”

Me: “Why is that?”

Her: “Don’t you know anything? The Internet isn’t in the wall! It’s all around us!” (waves arms and looks in awe at the ceiling) “You can’t even SEE it! I don’t think you’re as smart as everyone thinks you are if you don’t know that.” (gives me a crusty glare)

Me: “So…how does your computer FIND the Internet without some sort of connection to it?”

Her: “Computers just KNOW this kind of stuff.”

Me: “Your roommate has an ethernet connection through the data jack. The rest of the floor has their computers plugged into our data lines–”

Her: “Well, that’s just because you’re not as in touch with your computers as I am. If you all were good friends with them, they would just take you to the Internet without having to plug them into the phone jacks. You know, I don’t think that’s a very humane thing to do to your computer, and I don’t know that I like such a cruel person touching my stuff.”

I could do nothing but look at her blankly for a few minutes before quickly retreating to the privacy of my room to laugh hysterically. She gave me five minutes before knocking on my door again. I told her if she left me alone with the computer for a while, when she came back, she’d be able to connect. After my many assurances that I wouldn’t do anything “cruel and unusual” to her precious computer, she left the room to go to class. I bought some cabling, plugged everything in, adjusted her settings, and went back to my room to call my brother to tell him the story.