Customer: “Excuse me, miss – what size are you?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I want to buy these pants for my granddaughter, my dear, and she’s about your size.”

Me: “Oh, well…the jeans I’m wearing right now are from this store, and they’re a size 4.”

Customer: “WELL! She is certainly not that fat!”

Me: “Um, well, sometimes people carry their weight differently. Perhaps she would fit in a size 2 better?”

Customer: “My dear, I didn’t mean to offend you – you’re not too fat. My granddaughter is small. And a big hussy. That’s why I want to buy her new pants. She looks like such a tramp.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I suppose maybe I’ll just buy her a blouse instead.”

Me: “Hi, what can I get for ya?”

Customer: “Yeah, um…do you guys serve breakfast?”

Me: “Oh no, sorry, we only serve brunch on Sundays. We have bagels and pastries in the case right there.” *pointing*

Customer: “Hmm, no, I really wanted breakfast.”

Me: “Sorry, it’s just Sundays.”

Customer: “But I smell bacon!”

Me: “Yeah, the cook is in the back prepping for the day, and we have some sandwiches with bacon on them.”

Customer: “I smell bacon! You serve breakfast! I want a hot breakfast!”

Me: “Uh, no… just brunch on Sundays. Our lunch starts at 11:00am if you want to come back.”

Customer: “NO! I smell bacon and I want breakfast now!” *storms out*

Me: “…”