Tech Support: “What version of Windows are you running?”
Customer: “I got the computer in 2003, so I think it’s a Windows 2003. Or maybe it’s a Windows 2004? I got it late in the year.”
Tech Support: “Um, ok.”
Customer: “Is that wrong?”
Tech Support: “No, no, that sounds about right. Tell me, would you know what service pack you have for that?”
Customer: “Well, when I got to the register, the young man who rang me up said was about the 5th person to buy it. So it might be service pack 5.”
I work a turgid minimum wage job in a mid-sized engineering plant whilst putting myself through college. I’ve been there for five years and have had three people to answer to in that time. For the first three years I had a male boss in his mid 40s who, while harsh and snappy at times, was generally OK to work with. Then about two years ago, he became quite ill – nothing serious, but enough to put him out of commission at a time when we were extraordinarily busy with an order and working very long hours…
(A customer stomps into my store and starts yelling at me.)
Customer: “I had an allergic reaction to a Vanilla Ice Blended from the store in [other location] and the manager there said I could have whatever I wanted here for free.”
Me: “I’m sorry to hear about that. Do you have a receipt?”
Customer: “I had to drive out to Cedars-Sinai last night and I was there until four in the morning! The people at [other location] said I could have anything I wanted! I had an allergic reaction!”
Me: “Well, then… what would you like?”
Customer: “I want two Vanilla Ice Blendeds…”
Waiter: There’s a fly buzzing around. I kept him off your food.
Manager: Ah, it doesn’t matter. Nobody ever died from that.
Waiter: Nobody ever died from licking my balls, either. You want to come over here and do that?