Male coworker #1: I just couldn’t take my eyes off her mound. It was so big and, well, unorganized.
Male coworker #2: Big mounds, seems to be the Monday thing around here. Seen one, seen ’em all.
Female coworker, passing through: Well boys, you must be talking about other people’s paperwork again, since we all know you both haven’t seen a real mound in the last decade.
Male coworker #2: We were actually talking about your mound. Organize that shit, will ya?
Female coworker, laughing: Never!
Me: “Thank you for calling [cell phone provider]. How can I help you?”
Customer: “Hi, I was just wondering if you’d gotten my payment?”
Me: “It doesn’t look like we have. May I ask how you paid?”
Customer: “I went to one of your stores two months ago just as they were closing up. A guy was walking out of the store and I asked if he worked there, so I gave him an envelope with my payment and telephone number written on it. He said he’d give it to his manager the next day.”
Me: “Did you go back to the store to find out what happened?”
Customer: “Yah, they said that no one matching the description I gave them worked there! So…is there any way you could adjust that charge?”
Cube dweller #1: I have people all up inside me all the time, and they’re just bound to come out sooner or later.
Cube dweller #2: I do too: that’s why I write.
Cube dweller #1: I think we’re talking about two different things here.
Manager, walking past slouching intern: Bad posture ages you.
Intern: It’s just I’m not used to this desk thing. Usually I do all my work in bed.
Manager: Don’t put that on your resume.