Coworker #1: I bought my first iPhone app while on vacation. It’s called Ragdoll Blaster. It’s pretty good.
Coworker #2: You bought an app called Rectal Blaster?
Coworker #1: Ah, it’s good to be back.
Stupid Customers
(A man claiming to be our hotel guest’s boss calls our front desk several times, claiming that the guest won’t return his calls. I ring the hotel guest to let her know the situation.)
Me: “Hello! I received a few phone calls from a Mr. *** asking you to call him back immediately.”
Hotel guest: “Oh, Mr. ***? I don’t know a Mr. ****.”
Me: “Oh, okay. I’m sorry to bother you. I will ask him to stop calling.”
Hotel guest: “Well, what was his name again?”
Me: “Mr. ***.”
Hotel guest: “Was he tall?”
Me: “Ma’am, he was on the phone.”
Hotel guest: “You didn’t notice if he was tall or not? That doesn’t help me at all.”
Me: “Very sorry, ma’am. I will try to get a better look at him next time he calls.”
Hotel guest: “Thank you so much dear!” *hangs up*
Stupid CoWorkers
Woman carrying heavy files: I need to go down to the branch and drop this off.
Man: Hello–I can help you carry that.
Woman: Aww! You had me at “hello”!
Man: You had me at “go down”!
Stupid Customers
Customer: “Can I have a sample of this doughnut?”
Me: “Sorry, no.”
Customer: “But you used to give them out! Why can’t I get one?”
Me: “Yeah, that was a long time ago. Now we only give it to children.”
(The customer squats down a bit.)
Customer: “I’m twelve. Can I have a sample?”