Secretary: This photocopier is broken.
Office service staff: Why, what’s it doing?
Secretary: Well, I tried to make a color copy, but it came out black and white.
Office service staff, looking at original: Um, your original is black and white.
Secretary: Yes, I know, I thought it would insert color onto it.
(I’m working in layby (AKA layaways) and dealing with the Christmas shopping rush.)
Customer: “Can I organize delivery for this item?”
Me: “We can, but we can’t guarantee it will arrive before Christmas because you didn’t pay it off by the 1st.”
Customer: “What? Are you trying to ruin Christmas? My grandchildren will cry and find out there is no Santa. Nobody told me I had to pay it off by then!”
Me: “I’m sorry, all the terms and conditions of the layby were printed on your receipt…” *I point it out on the receipt* “See, right here, above where you signed to say that accepted them.”
Customer: “But nobody TOLD me to read them!”
Male cook: Fine, we’ll spell it your way!
Female front desk agent: No, seriously! “Banana” is spelled b-a-n-a-n-a.
(later that day)
Female front desk agent to male front desk agent: Hey, how do you spell “banana”?
Male front desk agent: B-a-b…
Female front desk agent, cutting him off: Forget it.
Coworker on phone: Look, she’s not my girlfriend, she’s just my roommate–you can’t evict me because she is walking around outside the apartment with no pants on. Okay, I’ll come try to get her to put her pants back on.