Stupid Customers

May 14, 2010

This exchange took place at the HMV where I used to work:

Me: Hi, what can I help you with?

Customer: Oh! Your name is French, do you speak French?

Me: No, my parents just really liked the name.

Customer: So you’re not French?

Me: No, I’m not – so what can I help you with?

Customer: I can’t believe you’re not French! You have a French name and you don’t speak the language?! Canadians are KNOWN for speaking BOTH official languages; English and FRENCH. You are a terrible Canadian!

Me: Hmm. I always thought we Canadians were known for being polite, so I guess you’re not a good Canadian either!

Customer: Well, I am never coming back here again!

Me: Yay!

Stupid Customers
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Stupid CoWorkers

Stupid Customers

May 10, 2010

(I have just completed a transaction and given the customer their coffee.)

Me: “Have a great day!”

Customer: “What did you say to me?”

Me: “I said have a great day.”

Customer: “Well, that’s impossible. I am an English teacher. It’s impossible to have a great day. Something will always go wrong to prevent ‘great’ from being the correct adjective to describe ‘day’. I find you wishing me the impossible insulting.”

Me: “Have a decent day?”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(The customer sits down to eat near the register and opens a book. Another customer orders and pays.)

Me: “Have a great day!”

Original Customer: “I heard that!”

Stupid Customers

Stupid Things Overheard

May 7, 2010

Adviser: Okay, is everyone here? Great. So, John*, why don’t you tell us what you’ve worked on this week?

John: Well, I did…

Adviser, interrupting: Actually, John, I’m just going to hummer you for a minute while I show them the data.

Female grad student: Um, what?

Adviser: I’m going to hummer him and just show everyone this, you know, like run over him like a big fucking car.

Female grad student: Uh, okay, but you can’t say that.

Adviser: What? Why?

Female grad student: I’ll tell you after lab meeting.

Adviser, angrily: What is so bad about saying that? Is it like mean or something to “hummer” someone?

Female grad student: Well it’s not mean, it’s just… Yeah, don’t say that. Ever. We’ll talk later.

Stupid Things Overheard