Buyer: Let me give you my e-mail address and you can forward me the information.
Vendor: Okay, give it to me.
Buyer: m-o-l-i-n-a…
Vendor: Okay, I’ma send that to you.
Buyer: Um, sir, I need to give you the rest of my e-mail address.
Stupid Customers
Me: “How can I help you?”
Caller: “Is this a joke?”
Me: “Pardon me?”
Caller: “Your company just did some landscaping for us and the dirt that you put in is dirty.”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Caller: “The dirt is dirty.”
Me: “Is there trash or rocks in the dirt?”
Caller: “No, the dirt is just really dirty.”
Me: “So you want us to come out and replace the dirty dirt with clean dirt?”
Caller: “Yes, and I need it done as soon as possible. I don’t want it to make the rest of my dirt dirty too.”
Stupid Customers
(I am speaking Spanish to a customer at the register. I finish the transaction and see the next customer.)
Customer: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Hello! I want to pay cash!”
Me: “Find everything you need today?”
Customer: “Wow so you can speak English and Spanish? I didn’t think you spoke any English”
Me: “Yes, I’m bilingual”
Customer: “Wow! So you speak two languages fluently and you’re gay?”
Me: “No, just bilingual.”
Customer: “I heard you the first time silly! Lots of gay pride in you, huh?”
Stupid Customers
Associate to customer on phone about beef recall: We are only recalling meat with the dates April 28th through June 6th on it.
Customer: Well, mine is dated June 23rd. Can I eat it?
Associate: Yes, ma’am. That’s not in our recall dates.
Customer: Are you sure it’s safe?
Associate: Yes ma’am. That meat wasn’t part of the recall.
Customer: What were the dates again?
Associate: April 28th to June 6th.
Customer: So, I won’t die?
Associate: Ma’am, unless you plan on smearing it on a pig and eating it raw, you are going to be fine.