Stupid Tech Support

Me: “Hi my name is [name] from [company] internet tech support how can I help you today?”

Customer: “My internet is down.”

Me: “Alright what happens when you try to browse?”

Customer: “Nothing, the screen goes black every time I leave the computer for a few minutes. And I have to hold down the power button for it to come back but that restarts everything!”

Me: “Okay can you move the mouse?”

Customer: “I tried that it doesn’t work!”

Me: “Try pressing any key on the keyboard.”

Customer: “Okay, the screen isn’t black anymore, but my internet is still down.”

Me: “What does it say?”

Customer: “Owner logged in.”

Me: “Click on owner.”

Customer: “Okay internet is working now.”

Me: “Sir, that was your screen saver.”

Customer: “I don’t know what that is, but thanks for fixing the internet. Bye!”

Stupid CoWorkers

Broker #1: Okay, here’s one: would you rather lick the bulge on Jimmy’s leg or eat the skin that Richard peeled off his foot last year?

Broker #2: As sick as this sounds, I’d take Jimmy’s bulge in a second. I had to sit next to Richard. His foot had a crack in it so deep you could stick a pencil in it.

Stupid CoWorkers

Stupid Customers

Me: “Thank you for calling [company] support, can I have your employee ID number, please?”

Caller: “Yeah, can you put me on hold?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “I called before and complained about the awful hold music you guys use. I want to see if you changed it.”

Me: “Hold on just a minute.”

(I put the caller on hold for a minute.)

Me: “Hello, are you still there ma’am?”

Caller: “Yeah, I’m here.”

Me: “So is the hold music any less awful?”

Caller: “No, not really. Thanks.” *click*