Coworker, walking into break room: Something smells fishy…
Ditzy blonde coworker with freshly nuked boxed lunch: Well, it can’t be me, mine’s chicken. (reads label on box) Oh, wait, mine is fish…
Stupid Customers
(I have psoriasis, a hereditary condition which leaves me with large red patches on my scalp. This occurs while I am waiting in line at a convenience store with a woman standing behind me.)
Customer: “What’s wrong with you?”
Me: “I beg your pardon?”
Customer: “Those ugly blotches all over your head. What do you have?”
Me: “Oh, it’s a highly contagious flesh eating disease. Very painful.”
Customer: “Oh my gosh! Really? How contagious is it?”
Me: “Well, you probably already have it.”
Customer: *rushes out of the store in a panic*
Stupid CoWorkers
Coworker #1: I think I am coming down with something.
Coworker #2: I think I am coming up with something.