coworker #1: What are you eating? it smells horrible.
coworker #2: It’s yogurt, for Christ’s sake!
coworker #1: What kind of yogurt?
coworker #2: Strawberry yogurt!
coworker #1: With rotten strawberries! It stinks!
coworker #2: Look, Joe* was just here using the microwave to heat up sh*t.
coworker #1: That sh*t smelled delicious.
I overheard my coworker on the phone spelling out another worker’s name: “H as in hippo, O as in (pause) zero, …”
Female employee, coughing: I didn’t know if I got another STD or what’s going on here… (pause) Would you like a cookie? It’s homemade!
(I’m working at a restaurant and the bill has a 15% gratuity included for a large party.)
Customer: “Miss? What’s this ‘gravity’ sh*t?! I ain’t paying for no freakin ‘gravity!’”
Me: “Ma’am, that’s what holds the food to your plate.”
Customer: “Oh, alright then.” *pays the check*