Customer: “Ma’am, I think your frozen yogurt is expired.”
Me: “Really? What brand?”
Customer: “I don’t remember. But it tasted funny last night when I ate it.”
Me: “What was the expiration date?”
Customer: “Not until next month. But it tasted funny. After I put it in the microwave, it was liquid and warm.”
Me: “You put it in the microwave?”
Customer: “Yeah, it’s frozen yogurt! You have to heat it up!”
Boss: What time did this get here this morning?
Employee: Jesus!
Boss: Uh… What time is the exterminator going to be here tonight, and are you staying?
Employee: Jesus!
Boss: Why are you answering all my questions with “Jesus”?
Employee: A woman on the train this morning was holding a sign that said “Jesus is the only answer.” I thought I’d try to prove that. From your response, I’m assuming that isn’t true.
After sending an ad mockup to a client for approval, I had a follow-up phone call about the design. The client (marketing director at a major magazine) said “It needs to look more like the actual magazine.”
Me: If someone on your end could send us the magazine’s fonts, that would help a lot.
Client: Can you spell that for me?
Me: …F-O-N-T-S.
Client: Am I supposed to know what that is?
(A teenager is trying to buy a cell phone. He has an out of state ID which appears fake. It is brought to me to check it.)
Me: “We can’t accept this ID. It’s not real.”
Customer: “Can you tell me what’s wrong with it compared to a real one, so I’ll know for next time?”