Customer: Good morning. How may I direct your call?
CoWorkers: I’m looking for Dick. I mean, I’m looking for a dick. I mean, I’m looking for someone named Dick.
Stupid Customers
Stupid Customer: “Hey, I want a drink without any alcohol. What do you have?”
Me: “Well, can I get you a soda or something? Maybe some juice?”
Stupid Customer: “Can I get a virgin long island?”
Me: “You mean, you want an iced tea?”
Stupid Customer: “No, I want a virgin long island.”
Me: “But, a long island is mostly alcohol. I mean, there are five shots in it. Then some sour and some coke. Do you want a glass of sour and coke?”
Stupid Customer: “Is that alcoholic?”
(I give up and hand her an iced tea.)
Stupid Customer, turning to a friend: *excitedly* “I got a virgin long island!”
Stupid CoWorkers
Stupid CoWorkers #1: So your sister had surgery?
Stupid CoWorkers #2: Yeah, she had a hysterectomy.
Stupid CoWorkers #1: Oh, wow, so she don’t want more kids.
Stupid CoWorkers #2: Well, she had a c-section with the last one and there was so much scar tissue in her uterus that she was having never-ending periods and just bleeding for months on end. She said she was not doing anything but bleeding and passing golf ball-sized clots and ruining her furniture, clothes, sheets. She was tired of having really bloody periods.
Stupid CoWorkers #1: Oh.
Stupid Things Overheard
Model #1: You’ve got goosebumps, baby!
Model #2: Is the door propped open? It’s fucking freezing in here!
Model #3: Have some more wine. Drink yourself a blanket.