Tech Support: “Ok, now click your left mouse button.”
Customer: (silence) “But I only have one mouse.”
Stupid Tech Support
Tech Support: “Ok, can you see the arrow in the middle of the screen?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Tech Support: “Good! Now trying moving the mouse around. Do you see the arrow moving?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Not even a little?”
Customer: “No, not at all.”
I spent several minutes having the user follow the cable from the the mouse to the back of the PC. It was plugged in all the way.
Tech Support: “Ok, try moving it again. Up, down, left, right — anything?”
Customer: “Nope, still nothing.”
Tech Support: “Hmmm, maybe the table is too slippery — why don’t you try rolling the mouse on a book or a piece of paper?”
Customer: “Oh!! On the table!”
——-
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Stupid Tech Support
This weekend, my father brought over his new laptop, purchased at a major retailer. It was taking 4-5 minutes to boot into the OS. It was discovered that there were several utilities loading during startup, some of them multiple times. Not wanting to void the support warranty, we called tech support. After my father related the problem, they talked him through removal and unchecking of many of the options. A reboot then took about 2.5 minutes, still quite a long time. When he asked what else could be done, he was told, “Just reboot a few more times. It should get faster as it works in.” We just sat there with our mouths open.
Stupid Tech Support
A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was “bad and an invalid”. The tech explained that the computer’s “bad command” and “invalid” responses shouldn’t be taken personally.