Customer: “One of my friends gave me an ImageWriter printer and this keyboard. He said he gave me all the cables, but I can’t figure out how to connect them. Am I missing something?”
Tech Support: “Well, a computer would help.”
Customer: “You mean this keyboard isn’t a word processor?”
Tech Support: “No ma’am, its just an input device.”
Customer: “Then I need to buy a computer, right?”
Tech Support: “Yes.”
Customer: “Do you think I’ll need a monitor, too?”
I used to work for MacWarehouse as a tech support representative. One day a gentleman called who had never had a computer before. He was trying to set up his new system. I tried and I tried but I just couldn’t make him understand where to plug the cables in. Finally I looked up the details on his order. He had ordered top-of-the-line everything — monitor, keyboard, printer, modem, scanner, speakers, CD-ROM drive, external hard drive……except, he had not ordered the actual computer itself. No wonder the cables would not plug in anywhere.
One of my dad’s co-workers makes some paranoid schizophrenics look smart. We live in Durango, Colorado, and there is a nearby National Monument called Mesa Verde, which is basically some old Native American cliff houses. Well, this guy thinks that Mesa Verde makes Area 51 look like a elementary school playground. He insists that the government is keeping hundreds of military aircraft in the reservation so that when Armageddon comes they can “Conquer the four corners” (the place where Colorado, Utah, Arizona, and New Mexico meet for those of us who think Chicago is a state– which this guy does).