Stupid Tech Support

Customer: “YOU GAVE ME A VIRUS!”

Tech Support: “I don’t think I’ve got a virus.”

Customer: “Go download [a brand of virus checker], and you’ll see.”

Sometime later I dutifully ran the checker.

Tech Support: “Ok, I ran it. No virus.”

Customer: “You MUST have a virus. You gave it to me. It was all over my system. You must not have run the checker properly.” (yell, rant, rave, repeat checks, etc)

Tech Support: “How did I give it to you?”

Customer: “On those floppies with the latest revision of the software you wrote.”

Tech Support: “The ones you just returned?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Tech Support: “Just a sec…let me check those.” (pause) “Well, I found a virus on the disks. Ahem…seems you were about to pass a virus on to ME.”

Customer: “Ah…lemme get back to you.” (click)

Stupid Customers

Me: “DSL is a lot faster. It–”

Friend’s Father: “Yeah, but if you have DSL, there are a lot of threats.”

Me: “Yes, that’s true to a degree, but there are firewalls that–”

Friend’s Father: “No, but they can hack into your computer even when it’s off and steal your electricity.”

Me: “Umm…I’m pretty sure that won’t happen.”

Friend’s Father: “It’s all over the news. You mean to tell me they’re wrong?”

Me: “…I guess so.”

“““““

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Stupid CoWorkers

About two years ago, I was asked to run a virus scan on one company’s network of computers. I did and I found a simple harmless virus on each computer in the network. After I reported that to the company’s officials, they gasped (literally), then thanked me, then asked me to leave despite my offers to remove the virus with the anti-virus program. The next day, I found out that they formatted every single hard drive of every computer, backing up only the most important data.

Stupid Customers

Customer: “Well, I just want to know if I load this disk into my computer, won’t other people be able to get into my computer and access everything I have in there?”

Tech Support: “No, that’s not possible.”

Customer: “You see it on the TV all the time.”