Excerpt from a student essay…
The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted, “hurrah.” Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.
Excerpt from a student essay…
The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello’s interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great invention and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.
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I work for technical helpline. When our lines are busy, customers can leave messages in our voicemail. The system asks for the customer to leave contact info, machine details, and description of the problem. Here’s one message I got:
“There’s something wrong with my computer. I really can’t tell you what the problem is or what the machine does, but there definitely is something wrong with it. Could you please call me back soon?”
I hope the customer got the psychic message I sent him about how to fix the problem. I sure didn’t get his psychic message about the problem and his phone number.
An elderly woman called, furious.
Tech Support: “How can I help you ma’am?”
Customer: “You had better help me!”
Tech Support: “That’s why they pay me!”
Customer: “Don’t get smart with me!”
Tech Support: “Of course, ma’am, how can I help you?”
Customer: “Well, I’ve been waiting for quite some time!”
Tech Support: “Yes ma’am, our current wait is about twenty minutes. It usually isn’t that bad.”
Customer: (yelling) “Twenty minutes! I’ve been waiting three days!”
Tech Support: “You’ve defied sleep and other bodily functions for a full 72 hours?”
Isn’t it wonderful when they get vague? Turns out she clicked on the “Help” button in Word or something three days prior and was waiting for us to call her…despite the fact that her computer had no modem and was not near a telephone line.