Stupid Customers

Tech Support: “All right, flip the power switch on the back of the modem. Are they lit up now?”

Customer: “No, still not on.”

Tech Support: “Is the modem plugged in?”

Customer: “Uhh…”

Tech Support: “On the back of the modem, there are three cables. One goes to the terminal, one is the phone line, and the third is the power cord. Where does that third cable go?”

Customer: “That cable goes to the keyboard.”

Tech Support: “No, I don’t think it does. Try following the cable again.”

Customer: “It really does go to the keyboard. In fact, the keyboard that y’all sent didn’t fit into any of the holes in the modem, so I had to use the one from my own computer…but that fits in nicely.”

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Stupid Students

Excerpt from a student essay…

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

Stupid Students

Excerpt from a student essay…

The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

Stupid Bosses

I used to work in an off-license, not the most demanding of jobs i’ll grant you. we were poorly paid, and even full time staff were put on 39 hour contracts to save the company from paying us all that extra stuff like pensions, health and medical expenses.

Anyway, they always had these odd bonus schemes, most of them weren’t obtainable as they would set a target, put the item on promotion, and expect you to sell 6 times the usual amount to get close to the bonus system.

before that though they had a system where you got points based on the amount of stuff that you sold as an individual. and after a while you could select something in exchange from a catalogue. you would have thought that we would have known about it, you know from the monthly statements that we recieved at the shop.

we’ll in the end the changed the system and everyone was going to use there points until they were told that the boss had used them all and brought her sister a really nice stereo system with our points. that’s nice, what did we get???? yep nothing.”