Stupid Students

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays…

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of “Jeopardy!”

Stupid Customers

This is an actual trouble ticket as entered in our system at work…

*** PHONE LOG MM/DD/YYYY 09:07:14 AM ***

Called in by XXX XXXXXXXXX Ext ????

Somehow he downloaded a Smiley face task bar and now cannot get rid of it. He needs to send out nasty mail and it is adding the smiley faces to all the e-mails

Stupid CoWorkers

I work in a fairly large group. The majority of the group has formed a tight-knit clique that I’m not sure I’m sorry I’m not a part of. Here is a brief description of the members. On the one hand I feel left out, the other part of me makes me wonder..do I really want to be seen with these people?

All names have been changed.

Nate – Likes to ask people who they voted for in the last election or other political issues. If you don’t agree he will start argument. My mistake was disagreeing once. I received emails with links to various political sites and asking if I was kidding. about disagreeing. Has noise-making toys he plays with all day. We sit in small cubes. Had a fight with someone else. Subscribed him to dozens of dirty magazines that filled his inbox.

Lisa – Wears lowcut tops. Begs for compliments. Intentionally flaunts her large boobs. Talks constantly. Taps fingernails on desk. Jealous or women with better jewelry.

Ivan – Foreigner from eastern europe. Talks with mouth full of food. Shows dirty pics to Lisa that he got from Nate. Has a thing for Lisa.

Ryan- Chauvinistic old man, thinks women should be at home. Stares at younger women. Drinks during lunch. Constantly looking over people shoulders at their computers. Massive brown noser. Drinks mouthwash straight out of the bottle.

Gary- Has annoying noisemakers in his cube. Thinks the worst of people. Sounds like Pollyana. Plays horrible pranks on people.”

Stupid Students

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays…

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can.

“””””

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