Stupid Drivers

A Chicago-area couple began the New Year by racking up an impressive $1,400 in speeding tickets.

Piotr Pac, 21, of Prospect Heights, Ill., had just gone to sleep after some late-night New Year’s Eve partying when his girlfriend called at 4 a.m., the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reports. Emilia A. Goralczyk, 18, of neighboring Mount Prospect, Ill., was at a party where she’d just had a fight with a friend. Being the chivalrous type, Pac offered to come pick her up — 180 miles away in Wisconsin Dells, Wis.

“I would do everything for her,” he told the newspaper. But Pac’s mission of mercy had to be executed quickly. He had exactly six hours to get to Wisconsin Dells and back — 360 miles round-trip — before he was due for work at Nordstrom Rack at 10 a.m.

So he got onto Interstate 90 and put the pedal of his 2004 Nissan Altima to the metal, and boy did the Wisconsin state police notice.

At 5:59 a.m., Pac was pulled over for doing 100 mph just north of the Illinois state line.

At 6:56 a.m., he was nailed doing 84 mph halfway between Madison and Wisconsin Dells.

At 7:28 a.m., the blue meanies busted Pac-Man for doing 77 mph in Sauk County, just outside Wisconsin Dells.

The Altima was pulled over a fourth time that morning, at 9:08 a.m., just north of Madison — but this time it was Goralczyk who was driving as Pac took a nap.

She proved to be even more of a speed demon than her boyfriend, clocking in at 108 mph.

“I don’t even go that fast with the [emergency] lights on, unless it’s a real bad emergency,” said State Trooper Thomas Licari, who had just been joking with colleagues on the radio about being the next to pull over the Altima when Goralczyk went zipping by.

Total cost of the speeding tickets: $1,393, of which Pac is liable for $902, Goralczyk for $491.

Pac took it in stride. Informed Jan. 12 by the Journal-Sentinel that it was doing a story on his speeding spree, his first reaction was to whoop, “I’m famous!” He did hope his parents wouldn’t find out, especially since his father put the car under his own name after Pac’s insurance premiums came to $6,000 per year.

“My father kicked my ass” after an even more recent ticket in Illinois, he said, “so I can’t tell him about this stuff in Wisconsin.” Pac maintained that he’s safe at any speed, having been driving in his native Poland since — he claims — the mature age of 9. Nevertheless, he’s had to hire lawyers several times to fight his many traffic tickets and license suspensions. “You have to have an exciting life,” he told the newspaper, “because [otherwise] life is boring.”

Stupid CoWorkers

“This happened a long time ago but it still makes my jaw drop every time I think about it.

Around 1994 or so, I was slaving away in a fast food place. Hardly glamorous, but it was a job. On one particular day we had two people call in sick. And *nobody else* would come in, so we had to work the lunch crowd with a whopping four people. It was pure hell, but somehow we made it.

After the lunch crowd diminished and we were cleaning up the wreckage, one of our less-than-reliable teenage employees “Mike” (name changed to protect the guilty) comes in with a bunch of his scuzzy friends (the kind who think underage drinking and smoking are *so coooollll*). Now this same kid wouldn’t help us when we really needed it, and now he’s stopping by with his friends. Alrighty, bad judgement, but nothing that can’t be overlooked, right?

Now here’s the kicker: “Mike” wanted me or the Shift Leader (we were over 21) to go get him and the rest his underage friends some beer!!! This little maggot honestly expected us to just drop what we were doing and break the law for him. Said Shift Leader told “Mike” he could either clock in and help or get his sorry ass out.

“Mike” didn’t last much longer.”

Stupid Customers

Customer: “You people owe me a new computer.”

Tech Support: “You’re having trouble with your computer? What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Well, I bought some memory from you people, and ever since I installed it into my computer, it’s been doing nothing but making grinding noises, and nothing works anymore!”

Tech Support: “Grinding noises?? It shouldn’t be doing that!”

Customer: “I know that! That’s why you people owe me a new computer, and I’m going to charge you for lost downtime and my inconvenience.”

Grinding noises from SIMMs? This was a new one.

Tech Support: “Sir, did you install those chips yourself or did someone do it for you?”

Customer: “I’m not an idiot! I did it myself. I put them right in that slot in the front of the computer, smart aleck.”

Stupid Customers

Customer: “Hello, is this tech support?”

Tech Support: “Yes, it is; what is the nature of the problem you’re having?”

Customer: “I can’t seem to power this thing up.”

Tech Support: “If you are unable to boot your computer, sir, I suggest you contact the manufacturer. This is Internet technical support.”

Customer: “Computer?”

Tech Support: “Yes, your computer.”

Customer: “I don’t have a computer.”

Tech Support: “What is the item you are having difficulty with?”

Customer: “My new lawn mower.”

Tech Support: (stifling a giggle) “Sir, you have reached Internet technical support. I suggest you double-check the number and try again.”

Customer: “No, I’m sure I got it right. Are you going to send anybody out to fix this damn thing?”

Tech Support: “Sir, we do not support lawn mowers. Please check the number and try it again.”

Customer: “What kind of *@#%! service is this? *&$#^ you! I wasn’t born yesterday, you know!” (click)