Stupid Customers

Customer: “Hey there, can you help me find a book?”

Me:“Of course, ma’am. Do you know the author or title?”

Customer: “Well you see, I was at the beach and I saw this girl reading a purple book. She looked like she was really enjoying it! I want that book.”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re going to have to be more specific. There are a lot of books with purple covers.”

Customer: “Can’t you search on your computer for purple books?”

Me: “Unfortunately, no.”

Customer: “I’ll go to a bookstore that has better computers.”

Stupid Things Overheard

Woman to group: Do you any of you know Sally*?

Group members, shaking heads: No

Woman: Just as well, she just quit.

Stupid Things Overheard

Adviser: Okay, is everyone here? Great. So, John*, why don’t you tell us what you’ve worked on this week?

John: Well, I did…

Adviser, interrupting: Actually, John, I’m just going to hummer you for a minute while I show them the data.

Female grad student: Um, what?

Adviser: I’m going to hummer him and just show everyone this, you know, like run over him like a big fucking car.

Female grad student: Uh, okay, but you can’t say that.

Adviser: What? Why?

Female grad student: I’ll tell you after lab meeting.

Adviser, angrily: What is so bad about saying that? Is it like mean or something to “hummer” someone?

Female grad student: Well it’s not mean, it’s just… Yeah, don’t say that. Ever. We’ll talk later.

Stupid Things Overheard

Female admin assistant: You know how anal I get when it comes to your work.

Male property manager: It’s okay, I love anal!

(coworkers laugh)

Male property manager: Well… That didn’t come out right.