I have been working at a local national chain computer store for the past few summers as a salesperson in networking hardware.
Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”
Him: “Hi, I’m looking for a router.”
Me: “Ok. What are you looking to use it for?”
Him: “Actually, I was looking to tap into a network”
Me: “You mean in hotspots?”
Him: “No, my neighbor three houses down has a network that I want to get into.”
Me: (blink) “What? Uh. What you would need is an adapter.”
Him: “Yeah, I have one of those, but I can’t get the signal from my house. I can only get it when I’m standing right outside their wall, but if I move away I don’t get it.”
Me: “Sir, without knowing what kind of router your neighbors have, I can’t definitively tell you if you can tap into their network, assuming it’s insecure.”
Him: “Oh, it’s unsecure. I got into it and figured out what they have. They have a 54mbs G router.”
Me: “Ok, sir, you’re not going to be able to get into their network.”
Him: “But what if I get this card?” (grabs a Pre-N card) “Don’t I get more range?”
Me: “Yes, but you’re still not going to get into their network.”
He proceeded to ask about four more wireless adapters until he got it that there was no possible way for him to get into their network. Then came the topper.
Him: “Maybe you should give them a new router for a present.”
Me: “That would be just a little creepy, sir.”