Stupid Tech Support

My boyfriend and I were sitting in my dorm room, when there was a power surge, causing my computer to reboot. Unfortunately, it never got very far and popped up an error message about a missing file. Panicking, I reboot again, and the same thing happened. Foolishly, I decided to call my computer’s tech support line, and after struggling with their automated system, I finally got through to someone.

Tech Support: “Thank you for calling tech support. How may I help you?”

Me: “Yeah, um, I just had a power surge in my dorm room, and my computer won’t reboot. It’s giving me the error message: [error message]”

Tech Support: “Have you tried rebooting?”

Me: “Yeah. Want me to try again?”

Tech Support: “Yes, go ahead. Tell me when Windows comes up.”

Me: “Ok…it’s giving me the same error message. It’s not even getting into Windows.”

Tech Support: “Ok, let’s try rebooting again, but this time, hold the button down for longer.”

Me: “Er…how much longer?”

Tech Support: “About five seconds.”

Me: “All right. Holding it down now…ok, it’s rebooting.”

Tech Support: “Good. Tell me when Windows comes up.”

Me: “Same error.”

Tech Support: “Ok. Let’s try a hard reboot. Turn your computer all the way off, then unplug the power cable.”

Me: (??) “All right, it’s out.”

Tech Support: “Ok, now hold down your power button and plug it back in. But don’t let go of the power button yet.”

Me: “Er. Ok. Tell me when to let go.”

Tech Support: “Ok, let go. Tell me when Windows comes up.”

Me: “Same error message. Windows isn’t coming up.”

Tech Support: “Ok, let’s try looking at your BIOS.”

Me: “All right.”

Tech Support: “Reboot your computer, and when it’s coming up, hit F1 as many times as you can.”

Me: “Can’t I just hit it once?”

Tech Support: “No, your computer should start beeping. I want to make sure it beeps.”

Me: “All right, it beeped. BIOS came up a while ago.”

Tech Support: “Ok, let’s walk through some things….”

He proceeded to do nothing more than confirm there was nothing wrong with my BIOS. He had me reboot again, and, of course, I got the same error message.

Tech Support: “Ok, let’s try bios one more time.”

Me: “All right.”

Tech Support: “Now, when it’s rebooting, I want you to hit the F1 key as many times as you can. It has to beep for this to work.”

Me: “I really don’t think my computer ‘beeping’ has anything to do with the problem.”

Tech Support: “I think I know a little more about computers than you do, ma’am.”

Me: “All right, fine, I’m hitting it. My computer is beeping.”

Tech Support: “I don’t believe you.”

Me: “…Excuse me?”

Tech Support: “I think you’re lying. I need you to hit it as many times as you can. This is very important.”

Finally, I gave up on the guy and made my boyfriend finish the call. About half a minute into the call, my boyfriend gets a really funny look on his face and ejects the floppy disk that was in the drive. He rebooted it, and it worked fine.

I suppose this doubles as a stupid user story too, but you’d think a tech support person would have checked for that early on, instead all the other dumb things he had me do.

Stupid Tech Support

I had just bought a new laser printer in the US when I received a very good job offer for the summer in Europe. So I called the printer manufacturer’s help desk to find out if I could use the printer in Europe with 220 volts, or if they had a low cost transformer.

Me: “Hello, I have just bought your new (printer model), and I was wondering if I can use it in Europe with 220 volts?”

Tech Support: “Hmmm…let me see…. Here, ok, it says that the printer works with 120 volts, so 220 volts should be enough.”

Me: “What?! If it is made only for 120 volts, and I hook it up to 220 volts, it’s going to fry.”

Tech Support: “Hmmm. You may need a surge protector.”

Stupid Tech Support

Customer: “I have just received your software, but I have these plastic things, what are they?”

Tech Support: “Could you describe them please?”

Customer: “They are black plastic, thin, and square.”

Tech Support: “Anything else?”

Customer: “They have a metal bit on one edge.”

Tech Support: “Disks?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know, do I? I just brought your package. What do I do with them?”

I see a horrible call ahead, and the customer is quite irate already.

Tech Support: “Put the disks in the drive.”

Customer: “What’s a drive?”

Tech Support: “The slot in your machine that looks just the right size for the disk.”

Customer: “Which machine?”

Tech Support: “Do you have a hard drive?”

Customer: “I have two boxes. One has a picture on it.”

Tech Support: “Put the first disk in, metal side first.”

Customer: “Ok. It’s gone in.”

Tech Support: “Go to the ‘start’ button, then run, then type ‘setup’.”

Customer: “My computer isn’t on. How do I turn it on?”

Tech Support: “Push the button by the drive to eject the disk, and press the button that says ‘power’ on the machine without the pictures on it.”

Customer: “Ok. Done.”

Tech Support: “Now put in the disk, go to start, run, and type ‘setup’.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s all working now. Thanks, but your software isn’t very easy to use, is it?”

Stupid Tech Support

Customer: “Hello, I have a problem. My name is Bob Murton.”

Tech Support: “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you with that problem.”

I did call him back and helped him fix his problem. He didn’t complain about my response, but he did get members of the department asking for a while afterwards if he’d fixed his “other” problem.