I worked with an individual who plugged his power strip back into itself and for the life of him could not understand why his system would not turn on.

Him: “I can download games like Quake and play them during lunch, you know.”

Me: “We’re only allowed 10 megs in our accounts, and the system administrators would notice you downloading a large file.”

Him: “Nah, I could hack it so he couldn’t.”

Me: “Ah, so you are into hacking. By the way do you know any programming languages?”

Him: “Yeah, of course.”

Me: “Which ones?”

Him: “I can’t tell you or else you’ll use them.”

Me: “Just by mentioning C++ or Pascal or whatever will not instantly make me a genius with those languages.”

Him: “Oh sorry, I didn’t understand you. Yeah, I know C++ and Pascal.”

Me: “What compiler do you use?”

Him: “Well, Qbasic is my favorite.”

Me: “Nobody over the age of eight uses QBasic for serious purposes.”

Him: “But they made windows with QBasic.”

Customer: “I’ve just done a new Word document, saved it, then accidentally deleted it. Is there anything you can do to get it back?”

Tech Support: “Sorry, no, the backup isn’t run until night time.”

Customer: “Ohh, can we restore it tomorrow, then?”

Tech Support: “Have you made backups of your software and data?”

Customer: “I didn’t know it had a reverse.”