Me: “How much RAM do you have?”
Friend: “Not that much; I own an old computer. I guess about 4 gigabytes.”
Me: “Uhuh, and what kind of CPU?”
Friend: “32 megabytes.”
Stupid Tech Support
I work in tech support for an ISP. I got a call from one of our more troublesome users. Her computer was having some difficulty connecting, so, since it was a Windows machine, I suggested the most common fix-it, rebooting.
Me: “Have you tried rebooting your computer?”
Customer: “What?! Oh no, you never, EVER, reboot a computer!”
Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that it’s perfectly safe to–”
Customer: “No! If I went to the president of Milicron (a computer manufacturer) and told him that you said to reboot my machine, he would just laugh at that! You don’t ever reboot a computer!”
Me: “Well, something like that might be reasonable if it were a large server or something, but rebooting your PC won’t cause any–”
Customer: “No! No! No!” (click)
Stupid Tech Support
Customer: “My computer won’t work. You guys must have broken it when you installed the modem.”
Tech Support: “What happens when you turn it on?”
Customer: “It won’t turn on anymore!!!!!”
Tech Support: “So you don’t see any lights or hear any noise?”
Customer: “I’m telling you it WON’T TURN ON.”
Tech Support: “Is it plugged in?
Customer: “OF COURSE it’s plugged in, you MORON!”
Tech Support: “When you push the power button it–”
Customer: “Power button? This computer doesn’t have a power button.”
Tech Support: “Sir, all computers have power buttons. Look at the front of the case, find the word ‘power,’ and push the button.”
Customer: “YOU FIXED IT!! Thanks!!!!”