Stupid Students

June 8, 2007

Stupid School Excuses (from parents)

Misspellings have been left intact.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because don’t know what size she wear.

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Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday we forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday we thought it was Sunday.

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My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.

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Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

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Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

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Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

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Please excuse Brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

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Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat ; her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either , sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Stupid Students
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Stupid School Excuses (from parents)

May 18, 2007

Misspellings have been left intact.

My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

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Please exkuce Lisa for being absent she was sick and I had her shot

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Dear school: please ecsc’s John being absent on Jan 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

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Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

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Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

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John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Stupid Students

Stupid Students

January 8, 2007

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays…

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

She was as easy as the “TV Guide” crossword.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Every minute without you feels like 60 seconds.

The horizon swallowed the setting sun like a dog sucking an egg, but not quite.

Stupid Students
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Stupid Students

January 6, 2007

Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays…

It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.

The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

Stupid Students