Stupid Customers

Customer: “I’d like to return this box of cereal. It tastes like it spoiled when I ate it. Here’s my receipt.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. We can’t take it back. You only have 90 days to return this item, and you bought it over 5 months ago.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! I could have gotten sick from this!”

Me: *looks in box* “Ma’am, this is an empty box of cereal. Where’s the cereal?”

Customer: “I told you. I ate it!”

Stupid Customers

This exchange took place at the HMV where I used to work:

Me: Hi, what can I help you with?

Customer: Oh! Your name is French, do you speak French?

Me: No, my parents just really liked the name.

Customer: So you’re not French?

Me: No, I’m not – so what can I help you with?

Customer: I can’t believe you’re not French! You have a French name and you don’t speak the language?! Canadians are KNOWN for speaking BOTH official languages; English and FRENCH. You are a terrible Canadian!

Me: Hmm. I always thought we Canadians were known for being polite, so I guess you’re not a good Canadian either!

Customer: Well, I am never coming back here again!

Me: Yay!

Stupid Customers

(I have just completed a transaction and given the customer their coffee.)

Me: “Have a great day!”

Customer: “What did you say to me?”

Me: “I said have a great day.”

Customer: “Well, that’s impossible. I am an English teacher. It’s impossible to have a great day. Something will always go wrong to prevent ‘great’ from being the correct adjective to describe ‘day’. I find you wishing me the impossible insulting.”

Me: “Have a decent day?”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(The customer sits down to eat near the register and opens a book. Another customer orders and pays.)

Me: “Have a great day!”

Original Customer: “I heard that!”

Stupid Customers

(I have a sticker on my car that reads “Caution: Driver Singing”. I pulled up into work when a customer tapped me on the shoulder.)

Customer: “Hey.”

Me: “Um, hi?”

Customer: “I thought so! You’re that girl with the singing bumper sticker, aren’t you?”

Me: “Oh! Yes, I am.”

Customer: “I passed you in the parking lot at yesterday. You weren’t singing.”

Me: “Oh, well, I’ve had a sore throat.”

Customer: *completely serious* “You should always be singing, you know.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “In a car like that, you should always be singing so your sticker doesn’t lie!”

Me: “Well, the other day when you passed me? I was humming.”

Customer: *perfectly happy again* “Oh, really? Well, that’s alright then!”