Customer: “I’d like to return this box of cereal. It tastes like it spoiled when I ate it. Here’s my receipt.”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. We can’t take it back. You only have 90 days to return this item, and you bought it over 5 months ago.”
Customer: “This is outrageous! I could have gotten sick from this!”
Me: *looks in box* “Ma’am, this is an empty box of cereal. Where’s the cereal?”
Customer: “I told you. I ate it!”
This exchange took place at the HMV where I used to work:
Me: Hi, what can I help you with?
Customer: Oh! Your name is French, do you speak French?
Me: No, my parents just really liked the name.
Customer: So you’re not French?
Me: No, I’m not – so what can I help you with?
Customer: I can’t believe you’re not French! You have a French name and you don’t speak the language?! Canadians are KNOWN for speaking BOTH official languages; English and FRENCH. You are a terrible Canadian!
Me: Hmm. I always thought we Canadians were known for being polite, so I guess you’re not a good Canadian either!
Customer: Well, I am never coming back here again!
Me: Yay!
(I have just completed a transaction and given the customer their coffee.)
Me: “Have a great day!”
Customer: “What did you say to me?”
Me: “I said have a great day.”
Customer: “Well, that’s impossible. I am an English teacher. It’s impossible to have a great day. Something will always go wrong to prevent ‘great’ from being the correct adjective to describe ‘day’. I find you wishing me the impossible insulting.”
Me: “Have a decent day?”
Customer: “Thank you.”
(The customer sits down to eat near the register and opens a book. Another customer orders and pays.)
Me: “Have a great day!”
Original Customer: “I heard that!”
(I have a sticker on my car that reads “Caution: Driver Singing”. I pulled up into work when a customer tapped me on the shoulder.)
Customer: “Hey.”
Me: “Um, hi?”
Customer: “I thought so! You’re that girl with the singing bumper sticker, aren’t you?”
Me: “Oh! Yes, I am.”
Customer: “I passed you in the parking lot at yesterday. You weren’t singing.”
Me: “Oh, well, I’ve had a sore throat.”
Customer: *completely serious* “You should always be singing, you know.”
Me: “Um…”
Customer: “In a car like that, you should always be singing so your sticker doesn’t lie!”
Me: “Well, the other day when you passed me? I was humming.”
Customer: *perfectly happy again* “Oh, really? Well, that’s alright then!”