Stupid Customers

(I am speaking Spanish to a customer at the register. I finish the transaction and see the next customer.)

Customer: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Hello! I want to pay cash!”

Me: “Find everything you need today?”

Customer: “Wow so you can speak English and Spanish? I didn’t think you spoke any English”

Me: “Yes, I’m bilingual”

Customer: “Wow! So you speak two languages fluently and you’re gay?”

Me: “No, just bilingual.”

Customer: “I heard you the first time silly! Lots of gay pride in you, huh?”

Stupid Customers

Associate to customer on phone about beef recall: We are only recalling meat with the dates April 28th through June 6th on it.

Customer: Well, mine is dated June 23rd. Can I eat it?

Associate: Yes, ma’am. That’s not in our recall dates.

Customer: Are you sure it’s safe?

Associate: Yes ma’am. That meat wasn’t part of the recall.

Customer: What were the dates again?

Associate: April 28th to June 6th.

Customer: So, I won’t die?

Associate: Ma’am, unless you plan on smearing it on a pig and eating it raw, you are going to be fine.

Stupid Customers

Customer: “The price printed on the back says $16. Why are you charging me extra?”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. This book costs $17. Your copy seems to contain a printing error. However, since we didn’t catch the mistake and your copy does say $16, I’d be happy to let you have the book for this price.”

(The customer pays $16 for the book and walks away. A few minutes later she comes back holding another copy.)

Customer: “I just wanted to let you know that I found another copy, and this one does say $17 on the back. How is this possible? Aren’t they all supposed to be identical?”

Me: “Warehouses sometimes hold inventory that comes from more than one print run. That’s probably what happened here. They must have had some wrongly priced copies mixed in with the rest of the stock.”

Customer: “Oh, I see. I am going to put the copy I just bought back on the shelf and take this one, okay? It’s the same book, so it shouldn’t make a difference to you.”

Me: “We have let you have the book for the price printed on the cover, so I’m not sure I understand what the problem is.”

Customer: “Oh, no, there is no problem. It’s just that I’m buying this for a friend as a gift and I want her to think I paid $17.”

Me: “Ma’am, you do understand that since this copy does not contain a pricing error, you will not be entitled to the discounted price.”

Customer: “So if I get the copy that isn’t defective, I’ll have to pay full price?”

Me: “That’s correct. Do you still want to exchange your copy for this one?”

Customer: “Forget it. She’s not that good a friend.”

Stupid Customers

(A woman and her daughter are standing by the cigarette counter where I am working.)

Child: “Mummy, can I have a chocolate bar?”

Mother: “Okay. Pick the one you want and give it to the man.”

(There is a long, tense pause as the child and I look at one another.)

Child: *in a very condescending tone* “Mummy. I think it’s a lady.”

Me: “She is correct.”