Stupid Customers

(I’m work as a technical support agent for a satellite TV company. I get a call where I hear a baby screaming in the background.)

Me: “Thank you for calling Technical Support. How are you doing this evening?”

Customer: “Hello? Yes? I need to speak to someone in the technical department.”

Me: “Yes ma’am, this is the technical department, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m babysitting for a woman, and she has a one year old. I’ve never actually babysat a baby before, and I can’t figure out how to get the diaper off so I can change him! These things have some sort of electronic lock or something on them right so the baby can’t take them off?”

Me: “Ma’am, this is customer support for satellite television, not a child care line.”

Customer: “But you are a technical guy right?! You should be able to help me out! Is there somewhere I can put a code in or something? Come on!”

Me: “Ma’am, again I apologize, but this is a technical support line for satellite television. I really can’t help you.”

Customer: “Please, I’m begging you! I want to get paid for this job! if I don’t change his diaper and he gets a rash or something, I’m going to be in big trouble!”

Me: “Have you tried peeling back the two little tapes on the front of the diaper?”

(I hear the customer pause for a second, and then I hear the tell tale ripping noise of the diaper tapes being peeled away.)

Customer: “Wow! You’re a genius! It came right off! Did you press a little button or something on your end?”

Stupid Customers

(I have psoriasis, a hereditary condition which leaves me with large red patches on my scalp. This occurs while I am waiting in line at a convenience store with a woman standing behind me.)

Customer: “What’s wrong with you?”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Customer: “Those ugly blotches all over your head. What do you have?”

Me: “Oh, it’s a highly contagious flesh eating disease. Very painful.”

Customer: “Oh my gosh! Really? How contagious is it?”

Me: “Well, you probably already have it.”

Customer: *rushes out of the store in a panic*

Stupid Customers

Me: “Thanks for calling [hotel], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need a room next weekend. My kid has a swim meet down there.”

Me: “Okay. Rooms with two doubles are going for $135.”

Customer: “Give me a corporate rate on that room.”

Me: “Sir, corporate rates are for business travel. You just told me you were coming for a swim meet.”

Customer: “Well, uh, I sell swimsuits!”

Stupid Customers

(I work at a hotel where some of the rooms overlook the lake. I get a customer checked in and give him a key to a room over looking the lake, but he comes back to the front desk after 5 minutes.)

Customer: “This is unacceptable!”

Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

Customer: “I went down there, and there is room 144, then 146, there is no 145!”

Me: “Sir, it’s on the other side of the hotel. You have to go through the hallway.”

Customer: “So I have to walk through someone else’s room?”

Me: “No, this room is on the lake side of the hotel.”

Customer: “The lake side? Well how do I get there? I don’t have a boat!”