Stupid Criminals

BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — A scofflaw who came to be known as the gin and tonic bandit went to the same restaurant each Wednesday, ordered two drinks and a rib-eye steak, then skipped out on his $25.96 bill.

His dining, drinking and dashing days may be over.

Police arrested the man on preliminary charges of theft and resisting law enforcement. He was being held early Friday at the Monroe County Jail on $2,000 bond, authorities said.

Each Wednesday night for four weeks running, the same man came into the same O’Charley’s restaurant and ordered the two drinks and the steak, restaurant manager Teresa Tolbert told police.

At the end of each meal, the wait staff would present him with his bill for $25.96, and he would excuse himself to use the restroom, then skip out without paying.

The man appeared a fifth time Wednesday night, but the restaurant was ready for him, police said.

When his server presented the bill, he again claimed he needed to use the bathroom. But when he walked out of the restaurant, four employees were waiting for him. They confronted him about the unpaid bill, which he offered to pay with a check, police said.

After Tolbert told him the restaurant didn’t accept checks, the man “got nervous and ran,” according to the police report.

Officer Randy Gehlhausen caught up with the man as he was trying to open his car door. The diner struggled with Gehlhausen, who wrestled him to the ground and handcuffed him.

Stupid Criminals

BRANDON, Fla.

Authorities said a trio trying to open a locked door alerted a sleeping homeowner when one of them rang the doorbell.

Homeowner Samuel Sanchez, 35, confronted the burglars about 11:30 a.m. Monday. One of them was still trying to open the door with a pocket knife, Hillsborough County sheriff’s deputies said. The men ran, according to the St. Petersburg Times.

Deputies arrived moments later and arrested three teen suspects, including one found hiding in a trash bin. They were all charged with attempted burglary.

Stupid Criminals

A Florida man has been charged with trafficking marijuana after his vehicle slammed into a Highway Patrolman’s car.

Howard R. Fisher of Daytona Beach Shores, Fla. was arrested following a multi-car accident Sunday on Interstate 95 near Santee. The 54-year-old was charged with driving under the influence, possession of cocaine and trafficking marijuana.

Officials say they found 43 pounds of marijuana bagged up in 77 individual plastic bags in his vehicle.

“This amount of drugs on the street causes problems. It was going to cause somebody a lot of problems somewhere,” Orangeburg County Sheriff Larry Williams said.

Investigators haven’t determined where the marijuana was headed. But somebody farther north than Santee is out of about $153,000 worth of marijuana, officials say.

The bust followed a series of car accidents on I-95 Sunday morning that began at about 2:30 a.m. after a northbound 18-wheeler was overturned by a strong gust of wind on the bridge spanning Lake Marion.

That accident and the resulting slowdown in traffic to the south resulted in another accident.

“Traffic was moving at about 20 mph,” S.C. Highway Patrol Troop 7 Capt. Chris Williamson said. “That’s when a car hit the back of the traffic.”

No one was seriously injured as a result of that second accident, Williamson said.

Moving their vehicles to secure that scene, Lance Cpl. Jamie Burriss and Cpl. Travis Manley placed their cruisers each in a lane to shield the second accident from any oncoming cars.

Manley said he was standing at the right rear of Burriss’ car when he saw it coming. He just barely got out of the way before a moving vehicle slammed into Burriss’ cruiser.

“I would say about 70 mph,” Manley said of the 2007 Chevrolet Malibu which crashed into the rear of Burriss’ Crown Victoria patrol cruiser. “There was really nowhere we could go.”

The Crown Victoria, with Burriss seated at the wheel, was shoved forward about 60 feet, Manley said. The Malibu, which police say was driven by Fisher, veered off into the median.

A 10-year SCHP veteran, Burriss will be out of service for a week of bed rest after suffering what Williamson said were relatively minor injuries.

The sheriff’s office was called in to investigate the last accident since protocol will not allow the SCHP to investigate accidents in which its officers are involved. That’s when Fisher’s day further deteriorated.

“I immediately noticed he was real lethargic acting, real slow to speak,” said OCSO Deputy Warren Pendry. “At that point, we made an arrest for DUI.”

Searching inside the vehicle, Pendry found what looked like a few marijuana cigarettes and a white powdery substance which field tested positive for cocaine.

Pendry says when he opened the trunk of the car, he found two large duffle bags.

“As soon as I saw it, I mashed it and heard plastic rattling,” Pendry said.

First Circuit Solicitor David Pascoe said Fisher could be facing up to 10 years in prison on the trafficking charge alone if he’s convicted. Bond was denied for Fisher Monday afternoon.

Stupid Criminals

Courtesy of St. Petersburg Times

HUDSON – Beneath a stained-glass mural of the resurrection, the choir of St. Michael the Archangel Catholic Church gathered Friday to mourn a young member’s death.

The people had braced for Alison Matera’s passing since they learned of her cancer. They sat in wooden pews before a pedestal of polished white stone. Among them was a stranger who looked strangely familiar.

She said she was Matera’s sister. But she looked and sounded exactly like Matera.

And the people wondered.

Was it all a trick?

According to an incident report from the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office, this is what happened:

Matera told them about the cancer last February, after two years in the choir. They were some of her closest friends, and she gave them frequent updates on her treatment.

Near the end of last year, at the age of 27, she said she was giving up and entering hospice care. Choir members started getting calls from a hospice nurse with updates on Matera’s condition. Several of them noticed the same thing: The nurse’s voice sounded just like Matera’s.

Jan. 18, the same nurse called choir director Timothy Paquin and told him Matera had died at 7:04 p.m. He spread the news and planned the memorial.

Soon after, Paquin got a call from a woman saying she was Matera’s sister. She said Matera’s body would be shipped north to her family. She, too, sounded just like Matera.

Paquin called the hospice. He called local funeral homes. No one had a record of Alison Matera. But the wheels were in motion, and the memorial went on.

Then the so-called sister appeared, and the suspicion grew, and by the end of the service the people were convinced it had been a charade.

It’s unclear whether anyone confronted her, because no one from the choir agreed to be interviewed for this story. Matera also declined to comment, as did the stepsister she might have impersonated.

After the service, a choir member called the Sheriff’s Office and asked for help.

A deputy visited Matera’s apartment in New Port Richey that night. She was there. According to the report, she confessed to faking her sickness and death.

Matera was not arrested. According to sheriff’s spokesman Doug Tobin, she did not commit a crime.

So why did she do it?

She told the deputy she has attachment problems rooted in childhood trauma. Any time someone gets close, she feels the need to separate.

After she gained several close friends in the choir, she said she had cancer to drive them away.

But it brought them closer.

She said the fake death – the heartbreaking conclusion of an 11-month lie – was her best attempt at sparing everyone’s feelings.