Office guy, returning from lunch: Did someone take a bite out of my chocolate bar while I was gone?
Office girl, sitting behind him: Your suspicions are correct. Yes, I ate your candy bar. Yes, I bought a new one, bit it down with my teeth and put it back in here. Go ahead and eat it though, it’s perfectly safe.
Coworker #1: So I was reading a study the other day that said performing fellatio can cause oral cancer.
Manager: No, that’s not right. Where’d you read that?
Coworker #1: On Facebook!
(lively discussion ensues)
Coworker #1: Oh! I guess I was thinking of HPV, not cancer.
Manager: Well, duh, you puttin’ something dirty in yo mouth, of course you gonna get sick. You gonna put that penny in your mouth?
Coworker #1: No! That’s gross!
Manager: Or that plastic there?
Coworker #1: No! I get it! I forgot it was getting HPV from a dude, not cancer!
(pause)
Coworker #2, chewing on a pen: Does this mean I’m gonna get cancer?
(entire office stares at her)
Coworker #2: From the pen!
Coworker #1:: Look, it’s not. It’s 6.
Coworker #2: No, it’s not! It’s 9!
Coworker #1:: No, it’s not. Look at it! It’s 6!
Coworker #2: No, it’s 9!
(coworker #2 starts to access the file)
Coworker #1:: It’s 6, dude! I bet you!
Coworker #2: It’s 9!
(file comes up)
Coworker #2: Oh look, it’s 7.
CoWorker #1: You should try some breathing exercises to help you sleep.
CoWorker #2: Did you just say “breeding exercises”?
CoWorker #1: Well, if you think that would work better…