Stupid Drivers

February 9, 2006

One day a highway crew was painting a solid yellow line and had signs and pylons warning not to pass. Of course they were moving slow and a line of traffic was massing when a guy in a new BMW starts weaving in and out passing cars and flies by the paint truck. Later he calls the highway department complaining he has yellow paint all over his car and wants the highway dept.to pay for the cleanup of the car. Highways says “yes sir, we will get right on it, may I have your name and address.” Later a policeman arrives at the guys house and issues a fine for every time he crossed the line passing just by counting the yellow streaks on the road left when passing.

Stupid CoWorkers
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Stupid CoWorkers

February 8, 2006

I am an Analyst/Project Manager for a large bank in Southern California. My current project is the design of a Windows based Cash Management System for clients of the bank to use. Below is an actual encounter I had with an Executive Vice President (EVP). The success of my system (as well as my career) requires sign-off from this cerebrally challenged individual.

EVP: John, your system does not work. I can’t get in.

Me: What seems to be the problem?

EVP: When I try to enter the system, I get an error message.

Me: What does the message say?

EVP: Password Expired, please enter new password in field below.

Me: And what are you doing when you get this message?

EVP: I just press enter and it kicks me out.

Me: Did you enter a new password?

EVP: No, should I?

Me: Yes, that’s why it is asking you for one.

The EVP follows directions for the first time as I walk him through it.

EVP: Hey, now it works. What did you do to the system?

Me: Nothing. It asked you to put in a new password. Now that you entered your new password you were able to get in. It won’t ask you to do this again for another 90 days.

The next day.

EVP: John, your system does not work. I can’t get in.

Me: What message are you getting?

EVP: Password Invalid. I shouldn’t be getting this message. I know I put in the password correctly, I’ve been using the same one for three months! Why can’t you fix this system!

Me: Remember yesterday? You changed your password. The password you have been using for the last three months will not work. You have to use the new password you entered the other day.

After the EVP enters the new (correct) password.

EVP: Now it works! What did you do to the system?

Me: AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stupid CoWorkers
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Stupid CoWorkers

February 3, 2006

There were three of us picking on the new kid at the store, myself being the lead instigator. I had told this poor gal that we were out of toilet paper in the bathrooms and asked her to please go upstairs to get some more TP. The store was in a one-story strip mall. Not only did she look for the upstairs, it took her about 10 minutes to figure it out!

Stupid CoWorkers

Stupid CoWorkers

February 2, 2006

A co-worker I know has a HABIT of always answering a statement anyone makes with the quote “I know that’s right”. I make the statement to her “Stupid is as stupid does”, and she agreed with me again. Obviously she was referring to HERSELF! Yes it’s you CL.

Stupid CoWorkers