Stupid CoWorkers

February 16, 2006

I am an Analyst/Project Manager for a large bank in Southern California. My current project is the design of a Windows based Cash Management System for clients of the bank to use. Below is an actual encounter I had with an Executive Vice President (EVP). The success of my system (as well as my career) requires sign-off from this cerebrally challenged individual.

EVP: John, your system does not work. I can’t get in.

Me: What seems to be the problem?

EVP: When I try to enter the system, I get an error message.

Me: What does the message say?

EVP: Password Expired, please enter new password in field below.

Me: And what are you doing when you get this message?

EVP: I just press enter and it kicks me out.

Me: Did you enter a new password?

EVP: No, should I?

Me: Yes, that’s why it is asking you for one.

The EVP follows directions for the first time as I walk him through it.

EVP: Hey, now it works. What did you do to the system?

Me: Nothing. It asked you to put in a new password. Now that you entered your new password you were able to get in. It won’t ask you to do this again for another 90 days.

The next day.

EVP: John, your system does not work. I can’t get in.

Me: What message are you getting?

EVP: Password Invalid. I shouldn’t be getting this message. I know I put in the password correctly, I’ve been using the same one for three months! Why can’t you fix this system!

Me: Remember yesterday? You changed your password. The password you have been using for the last three months will not work. You have to use the new password you entered the other day.

After the EVP enters the new (correct) password.

EVP: Now it works! What did you do to the system?

Me: AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stupid CoWorkers
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Stupid CoWorkers

February 12, 2006

One of my dad’s co-workers makes some paranoid schizophrenics look smart. We live in Durango, Colorado, and there is a nearby National Monument called Mesa Verde, which is basically some old Native American cliff houses. Well, this guy thinks that Mesa Verde makes Area 51 look like a elementary school playground. He insists that the government is keeping hundreds of military aircraft in the reservation so that when Armageddon comes they can “Conquer the four corners” (the place where Colorado, Utah, Arizona, and New Mexico meet for those of us who think Chicago is a state– which this guy does).

Stupid CoWorkers
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Stupid CoWorkers

February 11, 2006

One day as a lady got off from work, she went outside to the parking lot, but couldn’t find her car in her usual spot. She began to worry and search the parking lot and the began to panic when she still couldn’t find it. She then went outside to call the police to report the car stolen. Later, she got a ride home and as she was going into the garage, she noticed her car. She then wondered why the people who stole her car parked it in her garage. She then went inside the house to tell her husband the news. Her husband just kind of looked at her and reminded her that he drove her to work that morning.

Stupid CoWorkers
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Stupid Criminals

February 10, 2006

Clever drug traffickers used a propane tanker truck entering El Paso from Mexico. They rigged it so propane gas would be released from all of its valves while the truck concealed 6,240 pounds of marijuana. They were clever, but not bright. They misspelled the name of the gas company on the side of the truck.

Stupid CoWorkers