Stupid CoWorkers

Bubbles is an inspiration for anyone wanting to avoid actually having to WORK for their paycheck. We’re not talking hard physical labor, either. Over the years she’s been shifted from one department to another due to incompetence or laziness. I’m reasonably certain there are many pets and some houseplants with higher IQs than hers. The most FAQ we hear is Does she do ANYTHING? Here’s a typical Bubbles work day:

HOUR 1 Arrives at work (usually 30-90 min. late, although she IS punctual 3-4 times a year).HOUR 2: Greets boss cheerily, not wasting her breath to greet coworkers (oops, I should say colleagues, since the word coworker implies that she shares the workload). Follows that with question about boss’s personal life to deflect notice of her tardiness. Boss complies with a 5-50 minute list of complaints.HOUR 3: Reads email for awhile, always answering ones from friends/family. She dutifully checks her horoscope and then looks for web sites related to her hobbies. Disappears two minutes after boss goes into meeting.HOUR 4: Places/receives several personal phone calls. Halfway through HOUR 4 she heads to her exercise classHOUR 6: Returns to desk and checks to see if boss nearby. If yes, she dashes off a quick email or makes business-related phone call to make sure the boss is aware of her presence. Then she’s off to the cafeteria or local deli to grab lunch and eat at her desk (NO, she didn’t have time during her two-hour break to actually eat).HOUR 7: Places or receives several more personal phone calls, and disappears for parts unknown. Returns in time to say goodnight to the boss, being sure to ask about bosses’ plans for the evening and make sympathetic or encouraging noises, then calls it a day 2-3 minutes’ after bosses’ departure.

She could get an Academy Award for her performance as a tired yet plucky single mom, struggling against all odds to be the best darn homemaker and mother she can. But listen closely to the personal calls; the content revolves around her soliciting free childcare for the night/weekend so she can devote attention to the pursuit of happiness (hers) and the boyfriend du jour. Vacations are spent in exotic locations without the kids and she manages to get nearly every Friday afternoon off in summer for long weekend getaways without having to use vacations time. Often she’s worn-out from the fun weekend and has to take Monday off.

The boss admires Bubble’s ability to combine her busy life with a full-time job. None of our calculators can show that 0-1 hour of work per day adds up to a full-time job. Must be defective….

Right now she’s riding high on a recent compliment from the boss that what she does is a GIFT, and that we’re very lucky to have her. We’re still trying to figure out what the heck she DOES. Any clues?

Stupid CoWorkers

I work in a large office where we are broken down into “team”. Well, on my team is a lady named “Virgie” who is the biggest perfectionist on earth! When I first met her she told me she has a small case of OCD. YEAH RIGHT and here is why:

She will come in 1-2 hours before everyone else (EVERYDAY) to clean our work areas even though we have cleaning people at night…

She takes 1 personal day a month because she has to have her haircut on the EXACT same day as the month before. Virgie will not only clean my office but also re-arrange my pictures to how SHE thinks they should look! She is also famous for stealing my garbage to see what I have thrown away.

The tip of the iceburg is how she whines to the boss (who she kisses butt to so bad he’s blind to the fact she’s a freak) that no one else ever cleans or pulls their weight like she does and we all get lectured Oh did I mention how she has an obsession with being thin and will insult anyone who isn’t, including a co-worker who is 8 months pregnant. The funny thing is, she must be about 25 lbs over-weight herself.

Virgie is never, ever wrong in her eyes and everyone else always is. There is nothing she does not already know.

The worst part is how rude she is to clients. Virgie has told clients they don’t look like they can afford our services, that they need to clean up to even talk to us! And when we tell the boss….once again he’s blind”

Stupid CoWorkers

Let me start by saying that nowhere in my job description does it say anything about moving furniture for people in my office yet ever since I’ve started I’ve gotten the pleasure of having to do this many times. It’s especially rewarding since the people I work with are not parapalegic or handicapped in any way and are just as capable as me of moving their own sh*t. I get a call yesterday from an employee who wants to move her computer to her new desk. Since this is kind of odd I ask her why she wants to move it, “Because mines newer.” That’s right “mines” newer. But I digress. Due to an incident where I was reprimanded and told by my boss that it’s not my job to move furniture I’ve been a little hesitant to move anything so I told this person nicely that’s its not my job but I’d help since it’s not worth paying our physical plant staff the OT to move it. I get a call the next day from one of her new bosses asking how come I haven’t moved it yet. How ’bout because I never said I would. I calmly explained my position and when asked what we could do to move it responded with, “what’s wrong with your arms?” Now today I get a voicemail from my boss telling me that this other woman’s boss called him to complain that I didn’t want to move it and he understands that I’m not the department’s day laborer but would I mind doing him a favor and moving it. Well you know what, I would, especially since no one is going to help including the people that want the PC there soooo bad. I’m so glad I wear a shirt and tie to work everyday just so I can get filthy carrying your f’ng PC. F*ckers.

Stupid CoWorkers

“Let me start off by identifying the characters (not their real names):Mr. Diva [Dean]Piggy [Office Manager/Executive Asst.]Fat Ass [Administrative Asst. to the Dean]

During my first semester of graduate school, while pursuing my Masters, I decided to take up a part-time job as a Graduate Student Assistant in one of the depts at a university in Northern California. When I first started the job, I had a cubicle all to myself and I thought things were going well. I enjoyed working with everyone (one of the reasons I remained for at least a year). I started out with $10/hr. and I thought it was adequate pay since I never worked before while in school and just wanted to be less financially dependent on my parents so I was cool with getting 10 bucks an hour.

Anyway, as I continued working in the position, they moved me to the Receptionist’s desk, so Fat Ass could have her own cubicle. My duties were to answer the phones and help out students as they came into the office while doing random things. Then Piggy, who is in charge of Fat Ass, started to assign me absurd tasks such as vaccuming Mr. Diva’s office, cleaning vases in the office’s kitchen, and dusting bookshelves. At one point there was a student assistant in the same position as me, who was an undergrad but was getting paid more than me, even though I was there longer. This student assistant, Ariel, would tell Fat Ass “no” when asked to vaccum. Ariel said she was embarrassed that she had to vacuum because she was better than that. I definitely agreed. Well, Ariel lasted 2 months…After Ariel left, they decided to hire another undergrad student assistant (Hope). Hope was also getting paid more than me, and Hope and I used to fume about Fat Ass and Piggy all the time. Piggy started to give us a list of tasks we had to get done by the end of each day as if we were in elementary school. On and off, Piggy and Fat Ass continued to ask us to clean Mr. Diva’s office because when Mr. Diva came back from his international trips, he didn’t like to see dust. What the hell did they think we were? JANITORS!? One day I volunteered to help Piggy with hanging pictures in Mr. Diva’s office, and Piggy told me that Mr. Diva specifically said he wanted everything to be at least 3 feet off the ground. All of a sudden, Mr. Diva became a f**kin’ interior designer overnight. Eventually, Hope had enough too of Piggy’s requests and quit.

I didn’t complain about the salary discrepancy until I was in the position for at least a year and my other coworkers in the office all knew how unhappy I was. My coworkers also didn’t like Piggy and Fat Ass and thought they would always go on a power trip and one of my coworkers pointed out that I was one of the few who have remained in that position for more than a semester. I was pissed with the whole salary discrepancy because here I was about to get my Masters degree and have been in the position longer than all the previous student assistants but getting paid less. At the same time, they were asking me to wash dishes, vaccum, and cleaning the storage room while doing my regular office tasks. My goal wasn’t to be an office bitch and if I had wanted to, then I would have applied to be an office bitch. My coworkers tried to help me to get a raise by giving Piggy and Fat Ass hints, but they weren’t too concerned. I even told Fat Ass directly that I wanted a raise.

Having spent a year in the position, I submitted my resignation letter after Hope quit, basically telling them that I was moving on and I was worth more than 10 f**kin’ bucks an hour. Then Fat Ass and Piggy tried to get me to stay by constantly fawning me. Fatt Ass even had the audacity to ask one of my coworkers why I was leaving and my coworker told her directly that I wasn’t happy with the pay and maybe they should give me one.

After leaving, I continued to keep in contact with several of my former coworkers in the other departments, and they passed on the word to Fat Ass and Piggy that I found a job which almost pays twice as much as my previous crappy hourly wage…while I get a lot of downtime to work on my thesis at work. I feel sorry for all those who would have to eventually cater to Mr. Diva and his two sidekicks. My advice: If you’re ever caught in a position like this, you too should tell them to kiss your ass goodbye”