Stupid CoWorkers

I worked as systems administrator for a complete and utter fool at a law firm. This guy called himself a “computer specialist” and even had brochures printed that touted his computer expertise. Yet he BARELY knew what a computer was. This wouldn’t have worked but for the fact that his cohorts, the other attorneys, were even dumber than he was. The best description of that syndrome I ever ran across was the saying “in the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king.”

So we got a computer network on the Doofus’ recommendation. This was about 1992 so it wasn’t anything as modern as the networks today. He said we needed to network because we needed to have email capabilities. Just inter-office email, internet email was too new and not even considered. So we networked. Then when it came down to the end, they found out that to buy the licenses and have network versions of the software, which was needed for us to be able to have email, would cost $1,200 more. So the Doofus made the decision that we would then NOT get the network version and he ordered me to borrow the stand-alone version of the software from the office of my friend who worked in a nearby office. I complied and eventually wrote a Word Perfect Macro that accessed a DOS command and ran a Novell Network broadcast message that you could customize. It was like an inter-office instant message. Forever after the Doofus called this “our email system.”

It gets worse. One day, he went to a bar association seminar on computer piracy and came back all pumped up on this new knowledge. He marched straight to my desk to announce to me that he had learned about computer piracy and “it is a bad thing”. He said “We have to make sure we never do that.” I was momentarily stunned and then said “But we do that all the time” and I explained the things we’d been doing that he personally had ordered me to do (buying one copy of software and installing it on all 35 computers, borrowing software from other law firms, etc.) I said “If we did any more of this, I’d have to have a patch on my eye and a parrot on my shoulder.” The sad thing is, I don’t know for sure that he really understood it.

Not long after that, our network crashed briefly and I had to reset it all and I had the receptionist page everyone that they needed to reboot their computers. Guess who called me to see what that meant? You guess it, the DOOFUS!!!

Stupid CoWorkers

I am a middle-aged woman but nevertheless pursued my college education while raising a child and working temp when needed. I recently received my BA in an Asian language, but due to illness right after graduation and the sucky economy all I could get was a temp job at a bank. Due to the “confidential” nature of the position (an admin in commercial loans) it had to be filled by a regular bank employee and not a temp. Well, my stupidvisor, “Yvette”, encouraged me to apply, buttered me up at every opportunity by telling me she perceived me as an intelligent, competent woman and urged me to “take ownership” of the job, (which I did, I absolutely kicked ass and the whole department knew it,) put me through not one but two rigorous panel interviews and during the process, would tell me things to encourage my hope of being hired, like “it’s looking good” and “believe in yourself” (visualize conspiratorial wink here) she even coached me for the 2nd interview. This is a woman who goes to every smoke break with the office creep, a guy I’ll call “Bob” with a mullet and tattooed forearms, whose idea of “teasing” is to throw things at me and he whines if I put daily reports in his inbox instead of on his keyboard(what the f*ck does he have an inbox for then?) and if I have the audacity to leave my desk to use the restroom (“I called your desk twice and you weren’t there!”) It’s called voice mail, butthead. I almost asked him if he needed me to follow him to the men’s room and wipe his widdle bum for him. When Yvette was out sick I was subjected to daily abuse from Bob, and knew that since those two are practically doing the nasty I didn’t dare report him, I would just have to put up with his crap or risk not getting a badly needed full time job. But I am digressing from this toxic woman who is best described by every synonym for “vagina” you’ve ever heard. Because yesterday, she told me the hiring decision that she made me wait 3 weeks for: she did not choose me, (there were 2 or 3 other managers involved in the decision but somehow, her being lowest rank gave her the deciding vote) but an internal candidate, (of course,) a “stellar” young man and she went on at some length singing his praises and revealed that the decision had been made several days before I was told (obviously so she could get as much work out of me as possible.) Well since there had been so much buildup and she’d made me feel that my being hired would be a sure thing, I couldn’t conceal my disappointment. She then became thoroughly smarmy, assumed I would stay two more weeks to help her with a project but she understood if I chose not to stay two weeks beyond that to train Mr. Stellar. This all happened Friday afternoon, I said nothing but do not plan to return except to gather the rest of my personal belongings which I was too distraught to collect before I left for the day, and to gladly surrender the temp badge I was compelled to wear. I’m perfectly happy to let Bright Boy figure out everything on that desk that no one else but me knows how to do. That is, after he serves out his 2 week notice from his current position, in the meantime, lying sack of shit, douchebag Yvette can certainly handle it! (cackle)”

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Stupid CoWorkers

I worked as a secretary for a very insecure paralegal in a law firm. Everything I did and said as a personal affront and a personal attack. She was convinced that I was out to get her job — a thankless piece of crap job that no one in their right mind would want. She would bring me assignments and this is an actual conversation we had:

HER: Here are three files, I have tapes with each one and I want the one on top first and then the next one and then the next one.

ME: Okay, sure, I will get right on the first one and then do the next one and the next one.

HER: I SAID I wanted the first one, are you TRYING to get cute with me?

ME: No, I said I would do just what you asked me to do.

HER: Shoots me dirty look and tromps off. Calls her buddy the office manager and my “insubordination” goes in my file.

Her work was dreadful, her command of the English language terrifyingly inadequate, her grammar appalling and when she’d dictate, she couldn’t read words of more than about 2 syllables. She was trying to dictate summaries of depositions of people in medical malpractice cases and her mangling of the words was simply unbelievable. I was in the sad situation of “do I correct her or not?” There was no right answer. If I corrected her, then I was trying to act like I was better than her and she would quickly react. But if I didn’t correct her, her boss would react with scathing comments and she’d blame me.

Stupid CoWorkers

Hello, i work for an outsourced call centre that deals with a large international client and their call centres. Im studying at uni and am amazed at how many ibeciles surround me.

1. In my office: In my office i have my boss who has no idea how to spell, construct an effective sentence or lie straight in bed. I asked him three weeks ago about a number of issues relating to my contract and i have only recieved a reply TONIGHT!! But then what can i say when the company decides to employ an ex-cop as the area head and a swedish masseuse as our learning and development leader. . . and to all of my other superiors i say “INVEST IN A DICTIONARY”, hey i know that im not perfect- but yyoud assume that when you get a payrise the letter doesnt have 20 spelling mistakes- including the street address!!

2. AND NOW TO THE OTHERS, on a daily basis i have to deal with and fix all of the screw ups that ‘the client’ (i.e. the people who the outsourced centre works for) that ‘the client’s own staff manage to do…i asked one of them the other night whether they recorded or measured their performance in any way- OF COURSE NOT! so on a daily basis i deal with customers and the screw ups that the other office (in the south) have managed to create to amuse my day… argh- i mean to say that it is a pretty simple job, HOW CAN THEY F**K UP SO OFTEN???

Just think of this- record for the week- 3 hours of an eight hour shift fixing up a customer’s account after a southern screw-up. . .and they get better benefits for th crap that they produce”